Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

 

THE STORY OF STUFF

Dear Short Answers: I have a very large family with lots of nieces, nephews and distant cousins.  My grandmother is getting old and will likely not live much longer.  I know that everyone in the family will want a memento of this wonderful woman but I’m not sure how to go about dividing it all up and making sure that the closest relatives get the first pick.  How do I avoid turning this into a major family drama? Sister Woman

Dear Sister: Perhaps this wonderful woman has wonderful progeny. Assume the best and ask each of the relevant people to let you know (privately) what memento they would prefer. Ask the closest ones first. This presumes your grannie has no view and/or has put you in charge.

 

THE LADY OF THE TIGER

Dear Short Answers: Do you think that Internet dating services are better than hanging out at bars? Working at It

Dear Working: Depends on what you are looking for. Bars have the advantage of “what you see… ” but dating services promise focus. Our thought is that you might want to try both!

 

REGISTER AND VOTE

Dear Short Answers: I would like to stay as apolitical as I possibly can during this absurd election season. Maybe even for the rest of my life. What is the best way to do this? John Doe

Dear John: If you want to stay out of the often meaningless yet angry debate, or spare yourself the hours of bloviating on the media, then turn off the TV and tell those that try to engage you that you “would rather not…” But please vote. Not voting is just handing power to those who are likely to be less competent to decide.

 

SIT THIS ONE OUT

Dear Short Answers: What do you do when you absolutely, positively know for a fact that your friend is marrying the wrong person? The girl that our friend Marcus is going to marry will ruin his life, alienate him from ALL of his friends, force him to quit his job and move to a new city. This marriage is wrong and will end in disaster (plus, she is an absolutely horrible person to everyone she meets except for Marcus and he just doesn’t see it). How can we help? All of Marcus’ friends just feel miserable about this. FOM

Dear FOM: There is nothing to be done about this. Period. End of Statement.

 

ANOTHER DOGGONE DOG LOVER

Dear Short Answer: My brother is married with three young children. His wife and kids talked him into buying a puppy. The $1,000 that they paid for the dog apparently wasn’t enough. They now spend more on the dog than they do on the kids. I know exactly how much my brother and his wife make and I know they can’t afford this dog. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are using their kids’ college funds to pay for all the fancy things they buy for the dog and the visits to the vet. How can I knock some sense into these people? It’s just a dog for goodness sake. Responsible Uncle

Dear Uncle: We’ve seen this before. There is no accounting for love — and puppy love is no different. Leave them alone and let them enjoy the new baby. Dogs bond families together and fill in lots of gaps that may not be apparent to you. It’s OK, relax.

 

SIMPLE ADDITION

Dear Short Answers: Why are gay men so much more attractive than straight men? DJM

Dear DJM: Grooming+Fitness+Fashion = Attractive. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it.

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife

[livemarket market_name="KONK Life LiveMarket" limit=3 category=“” show_signup=0 show_more=0]