Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman


Dear Short Answers:
My best friend recently got married for the second time. I’m truly happy for him and want this marriage to succeed (his first marriage was a disaster). The problem is that I really, really find his new wife attractive and I think she feels the same way about me. I can tell from how she looks at me and how she brushes up against me. How wrong would it be if I acted on this and slept with her? I think it’s just a sexual attraction and nothing more. So if my friend never finds out, what’s the problem? I’ve tried to suppress my attraction to her but nothing seems to work. Help!!!
My Best Friend’s Friend

Dear “Friend”:
In general, we try to be ecumenical about the occasional dalliance — but this is ridiculous. Stay away from her! Your interest is either mean-spirited, shamelessly competitive or merely prurient.


Dear Short Answers:
At what age do you think it’s acceptable for a child to get a tattoo? There is a single mother in our neighborhood who has gotten tattoos (and piercings) for her two small children who I think are about age 2 and 4. I think this is totally inappropriate. I don’t really know her well enough to say anything to her face. Should I call child welfare? Should I leave an anonymous note in her mailbox? Or should I just ignore it? But if I ignore it, how do I know what other personal disfigurements this woman has in store for her kids?

Dear Neighbor:
Tattoos and piercings have become nearly ubiquitous in some locales. But for kids who are not even close to adolescence, it seems a bit much (with the exception of ear piercing which, in some cultures, is acceptable for babies). HOWEVER — this is an issue best left to parents to decide. We suspect that there are license requirements for tattoo parlors that may exclude minors. Beyond doing some research, we recommend that you stay out of it.


Dear Short Answers:
If your family and friends all think you drink too much but you don’t, what do you do? I think they are all boring and annoying. They think they are so superior because they never drink (for religious reasons). So what? Do I just ignore them? Or do I actually have to stop drinking when I am around them?
Not a Drunk

Dear Not:
Drinking “too much” is a personal judgment and make no mistake — they are judging you. If you don’t want your alcohol consumption to be an issue, then don’t drink around this group. And find a few new friends who are more fun to see at other times. Being able to “take it or leave it” is a good standard for drinkers to aspire to, anyway.


Dear Short Answers:
My girlfriend is 20 years younger than I am and so hot! It’s all great but somehow I know she will dump me. My question is this: will my old friends (who I barely see) still be there for me?
Getting Nervous

Dear GN:
Your real friends will be there for you. But expect a few laughs at your expense when you land, darling.


Dear Short Answers:
What is the meaning of life?
Want to know

Dear Want To:
Good question — but no short answer.

Life is complicated.  Short Answers isn’t.

 Send a question about whatever is bothering you to or go to and a psychologist and sociologist will answer.  A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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