Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

 

WEIGHTY ISSUES

Dear Short Answers: I have a really good friend who has been on a diet for as long as I have known her. Whenever we go out to eat, she obsesses about how many calories and how much fat and how many carbs are in every single item — it drives me crazy. But that’s not the REAL problem. She has not lost a single ounce in years. In fact, I think she has GAINED weight, so I suspect that she eats like a horse when she’s alone and pretends to diet when she’s in public. Do I blow her cover on this? How to I make her stop her annoying scrutiny of every item on the menu? Calling Her Bluff

Dear Calling: Keep your opinions to yourself and ignore her “idiosyncratic” behavior. You cannot help — this one is strictly personal.

 

NEVER EXPLAIN

Dear Short Answers: My wife left me a few years ago and it was pretty devastating at the time. My best friend was a big source of support and since he was in the midst of breaking up with his boy friend, I suggested that he move in with me. I know that we make sort of an odd couple but the whole arrangement works out great and there is absolutely no tension between us even though I’m straight and he’s gay. The problem is that other people just assume that we’re a couple and probably think that I left my wife for a man. If they asked me, I would tell them, but they don’t ask. So how do I bring this up politely without sounding defensive or homophobic? Rob

Dear Rob: Sounds like you have a very happy situation. The details are only relevant to those with whom you are intimate.

 

TALMUDIC QUESTION

Dear Short Answers: As I crawl out of bed with an amazing hangover that no amount of aspirin will fix, I ask myself why I keep doing this. I planned to have a COUPLE of drinks at a party last night but ended up having a lot, lot more. I will be miserable all day and maybe even tomorrow. I am old enough to know better. How do I have more discipline? Hurting

Dear Hurting: DK – but if you figure it out, let us know.

 

IN FOR A DABBLE, IN FOR A DIVE

Dear Short Answers: How old was the youngest person you ever dated? Cradle Robber

Dear Cradle: Surely you don’t mean us, personally? In general, we believe 10 years age difference is the legal limit for a long-term relationship, but we are presuming that both parties are at least over 21. Smaller differences are more significant and very problematic for minors because a difference of even 4 or 5 years drastically changes the power relationship in favor of the older partner. For those over 60, many folks often dabble with those who are more than 10 years younger/older. Sometimes it works out wonderfully well, but most often for a dabble. Those seeking long-term relationships might do well to do the math, and think deeply about the complicated and ever moving equation of youth, power and money.

 

HUH?

Dear Short Answers: When a person sends a thank-you note, are you supposed to send a note back? To me, that seems stupid but sometimes when I send a thank-you note, I get a note back that says, “thank you for your very kind note.” That kind of nonsense could go back & forth forever!!! EKR

Dear EKR: If you get a “thank you” for your “thank you” then you must have written an exceptional “thank you.” Take a bow (privately, in your own home) and forget it.

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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