Short Answers / FOUL WEATHER FRIEND

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:
I have a friend who I love dearly, but he is a moody bastard and when he is troubled, it is all about him. He blows up every little problem into a gigantic personal crisis. Then when he feels better, it’s total radio silence and I don’t hear from him for weeks. This is all starting to get on my nerves. Help!
Peter

Dear Peter:
You seem to understand the drill. He is unlikely to change. You can either change your behavior – or how you feel about his.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Dear Short Answers:
I made the mistake of coming out to my Dad and introducing him to my girlfriend shortly thereafter. Since then, my Dad has seen her as “the lesbian who turned his straight daughter gay.” My girlfriend and I have been together for three years now and he is still reluctant to engage her and see her for her, or at least as the woman who makes me happy. It’s hard knowing he doesn’t approve of my being with a woman, and something tells me that he won’t change his mind. Is it worth continuing to push from time to time, or is it possible that this is a generational reality that I’m better off accepting for the time I have left with him?
Stuck with an Old-Fashioned Dad

Dear Stuck:
You may be right that he will never approve of your relationship but parental approval is not all it’s cracked up to be – it’s sweet but not nutritious. And it’s kid stuff. Respect, however, is another matter. You have a right to expect that your dad respects your commitments. Perhaps if you re-frame the conversation around respect for one another, you two can come to some resolution. If he can understand that you want him to be involved in your life but that his “agreement” isn’t a requirement it could be a breakthrough.

MY UNEMPLOYED SON

Dear Short Answers:
My son lost his job. Now I pay his mortgage. I intended a short-term bridge but I think he now “expects it.” What should I do?
Soft Touch

Dear Soft Touch:
Set a reasonable limit. Perhaps six months. And stick to it.

MY SON OR MY ALIMONY

Dear Short Answers:
I am a divorced single mom. My son really doesn’t like his dad and frankly I don’t blame him. He doesn’t want to visit but I am afraid that if he doesn’t, child support and alimony will stop.
Between 2 Chairs

Dear Between:
Kids need two parents. Stop supporting your son’s negativity — which he may be displaying to bond with you in an insecure time. But don’t force your son into a destructive relationship just “for the money.” Figure out how to be self-supporting. Get clean for you AND your son.

AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

Dear Short Answers:
My wife of 25 years has just confessed to an affair. She doesn’t love him — and says it’s over. But I can’t get over it. I know I love her but I keep running the bad movie in my head.
Suffering

Dear Suffering:
It’s simple. Get over it or get out of it. There is no halfway on this one.

Life is complicated. Short Answers isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to KonkLife@shortanswers.net or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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