By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman
NICE NIECE VERSUS NOT NICE
Dear Short Answers:
My 48-year old niece has been planning her big-deal first wedding this October for over a year. Her older sister, married three times, told her that she and her boyfriend of three months want to get married in September. The younger niece feels usurped and has asked for my help in handling. The thrice-married niece is loving and giving but jumps into marriage headfirst. How can I help coach the younger to state her hurt feelings to her older sib?
In a Quandary
Dear Quandary:
This one isn’t hard. Tell the first-time bride to tell the thrice to take her place in line — November or December. Be cheerful, but firm.
SPEAKING VOLUMES
Dear Short Answers:
I work with a talented guy (I’m his boss, actually) who just happens to have a pretty significant stutter. Certainly, his work speaks for itself (and without a stutter) but his lingual issue often creates some significant discomfort when he presents work to a client for the first time. I’ve watched the faces of clients as he presents and for the first few minutes, it’s rough. I’m guessing when they should be wowed by the work they’re focusing more on his stutter (and probably thinking he’s just amazingly nervous, which, of course, hurts us when they need to see confidence). Once they “get” that it’s, in fact, a stutter, they settle in. I’ve often considered sending clients a note in advance letting them know of his condition so they’ll be prepared and not get hung up on it. So, the question is: is that appropriate or even necessary?
Manager
Dear Manager:
Not appropriate and not necessary. Best of all possible worlds is for the stutterer to diffuse the situation himself with a comment. But if he doesn’t, you can’t — without making the entire situation worse for all.
LOVES ME, LOVES ME NOT
Dear Short Answers:
My boyfriend confessed that when he told me loved me, he got caught up in the moment. After his little confession, he claimed he still wants to marry me (we’re not engaged by the way, just talking about it). That was ten months ago, and he still hasn’t said “I love you.” He claims he’s scared to get hurt again (he got REALLY hurt by his ex). Despite his lie, he’s been REALLY good to me. He cares so much about me and he makes me feel so wanted. Next week he’s also moving out of state for a job. So my question is, should I stay with him or let him go?
Uncertain
Dear Uncertain:
Words are only one way (and probably the least reliable one) of letting someone know how you feel. Trust your gut. If he treats you with respect and nourishes your own wishes for yourself — that is better than any declaration.
RACING AGAINST TIME
Dear Short Answers:
What can you do if a boy you like, likes someone else? And he only has two months to be with me because he is moving! How can I get him in two months?
Help Me!
Dear Help:
Stop, Look, Listen. This sounds all wrong. Forget about him.
Life is complicated. Short Answers isn’t.
Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.
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