Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS

Dear Short Answers:
My friend and I were shopping last week at the mall and went we got home I found out that she had stolen a bra from one of the stores we were at.  I was shocked but she explained to me that she bought a lot of clothes there and that they have made a lot of money off her so this was her “reward” for being a good customer.  I’m not sure what to say and what to do.  If I report her to the store she might get in real trouble but if I do nothing it’s like I’m agreeing with her strange point of view.  Advice?
Witness to the Crime

Dear Witness:
This isn’t Sherwood Forest and she isn’t Robin Hood. Tell her that here on planet earth, stealing is still stealing, and that you don’t like it. And you won’t tolerate having a friend who does.

NEW RULES

Dear Short Answers:
I very foolishly started to have an affair with a person at work. He is a lot more senior than me but he is not my boss. I now realize this was really stupid (he’s married with kids) but I don’t know how to break it off. I love my job and don’t want to quit. But he won’t take a hint and it’s very awkward. Is quitting my job my punishment for having an affair? Or is there a way to keep working with an ex-lover?
Messed Up

Dear Messed:
We could write a book about this … but Sheryl Sandberg already did. First, you weren’t the only one who was foolish. Arguably, he was more foolish since he is the one who is married. Second, if you love your job, do NOT quit. Do you think he is considering quitting? Third, just end it. And don’t take “no” for an answer — he wouldn’t! Accept no punishment, hold your head high, and do the very best work you are capable of. Amen.

TO BEEF OR NOT TO BEEF

Dear Short Answers:
I’m trying to figure out whether I should become a vegetarian. I am appalled by the treatment of most farm animals so I will stop eating meat for a couple of weeks. Then somebody convinces me that man is supposed to eat meat and I fall off the wagon and have a steak. Then I feel guilty and stop eating meat again. How do I finally make up my mind?
Betwixt

Dear B:
You can seek out animals that are not factory farmed. Or, since this doesn’t sound like a religious commitment, continue to play it meal by meal like the rest of us.

AND DON’T TELL ME TO TAKE A CHILL PILL

Dear Short Answers:
Why is everyone so angry?
We the People

Dear People:
Seriously, we think some people are angry because they feel very vulnerable right here in the USA. Others are angry because they have great empathy for those who are vulnerable. And some are angry because the current environment supports anger and does not place a high value on civility.

SPARE YOURSELF

Dear Short Answers:
When people say “stop me if you’ve heard this before,” is it really okay to stop them?
It’s a 3peat

Dear 3peat:
Yes it’s okay. Just smile when you say “rerun.”

Life is complicated. Short Answers isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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