Too Late Now

 

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
If you invite a lot of people to your house for a party but then decide that you don’t want to have a party after all, is there a nice way to cancel? Should I make up an excuse or admit that I just changed my mind?
Don’t Want to Bother

 

 

Dear Don’t:
We think you are on the hook for this one. Have the party — and next time you decide to entertain, take a nap instead.

ABOVE OUR PAY GRADE

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I think a friend of mine is a kleptomaniac. Do I tell her that I know? Do I ignore it? But what if she gets arrested and I could have stopped her? I’m totally confused about how to handle this. Help!!!
Silent and Suffering

 

 

Dear S&S:
Come out with it: “Hey, what’s with the stealing?” If you are correct in your diagnosis, this is way over your head, and ours, and requires professional intervention. Letting her know you are aware may open a door — but don’t be too surprised if she denies it — or is angry at you.

WE DON’T MIND

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I’ve become obsessed with internet pornography. Do you think this is a just a passing phase or something I should be concerned about?
Sticky Fingers

 

 

Dear Sticky:
Look, this is question only you can answer. It depends on what you mean by “obsessed” and whether it is absorbing emotional space that should be directed at other relationships or time that should go to other things.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CIVIL

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
When you are standing behind someone in the self-checkout lane at the grocery store and the person has no frickin’ idea how it works so their three items take 10 minutes to scan. How do I politely tell them to move the hell out of the way and go to a regular cashier because they are clearly too stupid to use a simple machine?
In a Hurry

 

 

Dear Hurry:
People who don’t understand self-checkout technology may or may not be stupid but harassing them is a breakdown in the social contract. The only acceptable response is to offer to help them — or to move to another lane.

WINE OR ROSES

 

 

Dear Short Answers,
I recently attended the wedding of two middle-aged people who are on their second marriages. Because they have two households full of stuff, they registered with a local wine merchant and requested very specific bottles of wine. Although there was a range of prices, I felt I couldn’t be cheap. But, I’m broke and, two months after the wedding, I still haven’t ordered the gift. I don’t even know if it’s possible to at this point. What’s the right thing to do?
Giftless

 


Dear Gifty,
A wedding gift from the heart is appreciated whenever it arrives and whatever it is. Your friends probably intended the wine suggestions as simply suggestions and would be horrified if you stretched beyond your means on their account. Buy what you can afford — be it a bottle stopper or a book about wine and be glad for your friends — that’s what it’s about.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I don’t think I’m gay but I think that Bradley Cooper is the sexiest man I have ever seen. Do you think that makes me gay?
Just Sayin’

 

 

Dear Just:
Who’s Bradley Cooper? (sic)

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

 

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