Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

SINGING TO THE CHOIR

Dear Short Answers:
I have been singing with my church choir for over 10 years and I think I have a pretty decent voice. We recently got a new choir director who has decided that he wants everyone in the choir to “audition.” I’m not good under that kind of pressure and I don’t feel that I should have to “audition” for a volunteer job.  Do you think that the choir director is within his rights to do this?  I’d be sad if I couldn’t sing with the choir any more but I’d be really upset if I auditioned and didn’t get selected.
Veteran

Dear V:
Yes, he has the right to do this but why don’t you have a chat and tell him how you feel in the nicest possible way — perhaps you two can find common ground.

 

GENDER RULES

Dear Short Answers:
I recently read an article that said that knitting is very good for your brain and your hands, especially if you have arthritis. I decided to try it and I love it!!! The problem is that I’m a man and people give me quizzical looks when I take my knitting out at church or in a restaurant.  Is there a snappy answer that will stop the gawkers?
Knit 1 Purl 2

Dear Knit:
Oh, don’t sweat it. Consider it “sensitivity training” – stepping out of traditional gender roles always has a price.

SOME SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL

Dear Short Answers:
Ten years ago I had a long-term relationship and was cheated on. The woman he cheated with is now a friend of one of my best friends. This was a bad situation I never could forgive.  And it now poses socially awkward situations if my friend and I bump into her. I wish my friend didn’t have anything to do with her.  How do I navigate this social minefield?
Still Hurting

Dear Hurting:
Even Crimes of the Heart have a statute of limitations — and we think yours has expired.  This is a “social minefield” only if you make it one.  If you encounter the “other woman,” act like you forgot it ever happened.  And maybe you will.

WHEN IS A JOB NOT A JOB?

Dear Short Answers:
I do volunteer work for a local charity and I am frequently annoyed when the Director or staff nag me about deadlines and expect me to act like its a real job — am I wrong?
Resentful

Dear R:
We hear you loud and clear and have been on both sides of this — the put-upon volunteer, and the one driving the ship with a crew that is not always fully committed.  Although much in our culture says that if you aren’t getting paid, then it need not be a priority, we have to disagree: Responsible people behave responsibly. If the volunteer paradigm doesn’t work for you — fair enough. However, if you say you’re going to do something, then get it done because it is a REAL JOB.

COMMUNICOLOGY

Dear Short Answers:
A friend of mine recently announced the death of a close relative on FaceBook. I was shocked and thought it was, at the very least, very inappropriate. Am I hopelessly old fashioned?
Over 30

Dear O:
Yes. You are hopelessly old fashioned. FB is many things but at minimum, it is the most efficient way to get news to your community — however you define it.

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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