Short Answers / Been There Done That

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

Dear Short Answers:
I was having lunch with a good friend the other day and happened to make a really nasty remark about someone we both know.  Unfortunately, that person happened to walk by our table at that EXACT moment.  I’m pretty sure that she heard what I said because she stopped dead in her tracks and walked away.  Should I call and apologize or just ignore it and hope that she forgets about it.  P.S.  It was a really, really nasty remark.
Regrets

Dear Regrets:
We feel your pain. You’re stuck with it and there is no taking it back at this point. Sorry.

TROUBLE MAKER

Dear Short Answers:
I am having a dinner party in a couple of weeks and can only invite 6 people (my table only seats 8). If there are 2 couples where I like one person and not the other — do I really need to invite them as couples? It’s my party, why can’t I invite just the ones I like? My husband says that is extremely rude and just not done. But why not? I am not the only person in town who feels this way about these people. If I can’t invite just one, then I won’t invite either. And isn’t that worse?
Worried Wife

Dear Wife:
Your husband is right. You can’t invite just one because you are creating an issue for the couples: the ones who are invited are forced to “choose.” The likely consequence is that they will all decide you are just too much trouble. We agree.

LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT

Dear Short Answers:
My wife made good money her entire life and decided to retire last year at the age of 60. I thought it was a great idea but now I regret it. All she does now is have fun while I go to work every day. I didn’t think it would bother me but it’s driving me crazy. She plays tennis, goes to the gym, has lunch with friends, volunteers at the animal shelter. All good things but useless as far as I am concerned. How do I convince her to get a part-time job or something that is meaningful instead of wasting the rest of her life and driving me mad?
Bitter Boy

Dear Bitter:
We think you’re jealous! It sounds like your wife has made some wonderful life choices and your judgments seem entirely inappropriate (and unloving). Perhaps it is what you are doing that is driving you mad — and perhaps you should consider some changes. She could probably help you — sounds like her priorities are in order and you need an adjustment.

FOUL WEATHER FRIEND

Dear Short Answers:
I have a friend who I love dearly, but he is a moody bastard and when he is troubled, it is all about him. And frankly, he never listens to anything I say or any advice that I give him. I would like to help but the intense drama around what he thinks is a crisis — then radio silence when he feels better — is getting on my nerves. Help!
Peter

Dear Peter:
You seem to understand the drill.  He is unlikely to change. You can either change your behavior –  or how you feel about his.

WINNER TAKE ALL

Dear Short Answers:
How do you politely tell someone that they smell bad?
Having a Problem

Dear Having:
There is no polite way — you just have to say it.

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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