Pick Your Punishment

 

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:
If you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, do you have to eat everything on your plate before going back for seconds?  My wife and I completely disagree on this question.
Still Hungry

 

 

Dear Hungry:
We presume that the joy of “all-you-can-eat” is that the CLEAN PLATE CLUB rules do not apply. However we have heard the one about having to eat all you have EVER left on your plate before you get into heaven.

NO REWARD FORTHCOMING

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I was recently passed over for a promotion even though I am much better qualified than the man who was given the job.  I went to my boss to discuss this situation and he offered to give me a substantial bonus as long as I didn’t report the situation to HR.  I took the bonus and shut up but now I feel like I really should tell HR.  Perhaps my boss offered the bonus because I’m not the first woman in his division to complain about this and he doesn’t want HR to find out.  My “feminist” intuition tells me that I should report him even though I took the money.  Is it more moral to keep my vow of silence or to report a potential sexual discrimination case?
Sorry Sister

 

 

Dear Sister:
It’s never too late to do the right thing. We think you should go to HR but be prepared for a rough ride. You essentially accepted a bribe and may be subject to reprimand and/or asked to return your bonus.

FORTUNE TELLING

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
My boyfriend is going off to college in five months and I’ll only be a senior then. We’ve been together for 4 1/2 months and I really love him but I don’t know what will be best for him — breaking up or staying together? I want your opinion before I talk with him.
Planning Ahead

 

 

Dear PA:
You are getting ahead of the story. In five months when he is ready to leave, you will know if the relationship will travel well or is best left behind. Until then, have fun and don’t worry so much about what’s good for him — figure out what’s best for you.

TRICKY DICKY

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I’m straight but I have a lot of gay friends. Unfortunately, my wife is getting more and more suspicious that we are “more than just friends.” She doesn’t like bars so she refuses to hang out with us. As a joke (we were really, really drunk), a couple gay friends came home with me and we pretended to fool around. We made a lot of noise so my wife would wake up. I thought she would scream at us and it would be funny. Instead, she just started to cry and hasn’t stopped. That was 2 weeks ago. What do I do now?
Between Two Chairs

 

 

Dear Between:
Between two chairs generally lands you on the floor. You sound ambivalent — at the very least. Take some time to sort out your true inclinations. A litmus test: if you could press a magic button and bypass all the conversations, hurt feelings and disappointments; would you rather be with your wife or with somebody else?

MAYBE IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
If someone you know casually (a friend) doesn’t return your phone call (twice), what do you do?
Waiting

Dear Waiting:
Try one more time — or better yet, text.

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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