Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

 

BECOMING ‘WE’

Dear Short Answers: I have come to the conclusion that my boyfriend has no sense of style whatsoever. I have even bought nice clothes for him but he still looks like a total slob. Last week his shirt had so many food stains on it that I made him stop at The Gap to buy a new one before I would go out with him in public. Since my own personal appearance is very important to me, do you think this will be a deal-breaker in the future of our relationship? Betsy

Dear Betsy: Try telling him in a very serious but NON-INSULTING way, why his appearance is important to you. This discussion should help you decide if you have a future.

 

COMMUNICATION MALFUNCTION

Dear Short Answers: Every year for many, many years, my wife and I have been invited to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving. This year, we did not receive an invitation. It seemed rude to bring this up to them so we simply made other plans. The day before Thanksgiving, I ran into my friend who said “see you tomorrow!” I explained that we had made other plans and could not attend and he was furious. I think we are completely justified in making other plans. My wife thinks we need to apologize and send a gift. What do you suggest? Jim

Dear Jim: We think it would be a shame to let this misunderstanding come in the way of what seems to be a great and long-term friendship. Forget the gift, invite them over for hugs.

 

TWO FOR THE PRICE OF TWO

Dear Short Answers: I have a lady who comes once a week to clean my house and I pay her an agreed upon hourly wage. Lately, she’s been having back problems and brings her daughter or husband to do the vacuuming and some of the heavier tasks, which is fine by me since I don’t want her to hurt her back. The problem is what usually took her 3 hours to do, still takes 3 hours with the two of them working, and I end up paying double. She never asked me to pay double but I went ahead and paid since I thought this was a once or twice kind of situation. Lately, two of them come all the time. I don’t want to lose her — she’s a fabulous house cleaner. And frankly, her hourly rate is more than fair and my house has never been so clean. At this stage, I feel stuck with what I’ve been paying. Am I being taken? Want to Be Fair

Dear Fair: It sounds like you really are getting twice as much cleaning (“my house has never been so clean”) so now it’s about what you want and what you can afford. Talk with your housekeeper. There are many options from going back to your original arrangement, hiring her daughter/husband every other week for heavy stuff or agreeing to your current situation. The important thing is that you are clear about what you want and that she understands the agreement.

 

FRIENDING WITH FEELINGS

Dear Short Answers: Is it OK to be Facebook friends with your ex? Can’t Decide

Dear CD: Eventually it’s fine. But if you are still a bit raw, let some time pass. Knowing that he or she is “watching” will be a distraction.

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

[livemarket market_name="KONK Life LiveMarket" limit=3 category=“” show_signup=0 show_more=0]