Mirror, Mirror

 

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:
I have been married for over 25 years and always just assumed that my husband and I would be together forever. As we’ve gotten a bit older and the aches and pains have started to be more frequent, my husband has joked that “he needs to trade the old model (meaning ME!!!!) in for a new one.” Frankly, I don’t think it’s funny and I could say the same thing about him. Do you think there is some truth to what he’s joking about?
Old Gal

Dear Old Gal:
Yes.  Our long-term partners tell us what time it is — they are a reflection of our own changes. Probably he is just expressing his discomfort with his own aging but tell him he is not the “latest model” either and that you are unamused.

JUST LIKE SANDRA BULLOCK

Dear Short Answers:
If a person makes those disgusting snorting noises when they laugh, is it acceptable to tell her how horrible it sounds? It makes me gag every time I hear it.
Just Hate It

Dear Hate It:
We think this is like snoring — too much air or not enough. Anyway, you could try thinking that your friend is channeling Sandra Bullock and that it’s adorable, or you could watch Miss Congeniality together and comment on the characters’ snort!

PUBLIC STATEMENTS, PRIVATE LIVES

Dear Short Answers:
My boyfriend (of 28 years) and I are planning to get married in NYC this summer. We were just planning to go to City Hall, get a license and get married. No big affair and no big party. Since I had to tell people at work that I was taking the week off, I let it slip about the wedding. A few people at work are now planning to come to NYC to help us celebrate. I said OK because I wasn’t thinking. Now, I realize that there will be photos on Facebook and all my friends will find out that we got married but they WEREN’T invited. Now, I don’t know what to do. I can tell my friends at work NOT to come but that will piss them off (especially since they’ve already bought plane tickets). Or I can try to explain to my real friends that we didn’t really invite anybody — but I’m not sure they will believe me. How should I handle this so that it doesn’t spiral out of control?
Help!!!!

Dear Help:
Calm down. Discuss with BF (of 28 years).  If you really want it to be a private affair, then the two of you should draft a note to your work folk (and perhaps friends and family) and tell them of your wishes … or belly up and plan a party and make the decisions all couples do about who is in and who is not.

TURNING THE PAGE

Dear Short Answers:
I haven’t had a boyfriend in awhile. I have enjoyed the single life, but I have gotten tired of it.  The only problem is no one seems interested in me. How can I change that?
Getting Lonely

Dear Lonely:
We have two questions for you: 1) Are you interesting? 2) Are you interested in others?  If you can say yes to both, proceed to GO! You won’t have a problem.

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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