Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:

 

I have a very large family that lives on the other side of the country. I moved away for career opportunities but I must admit that I was never really that close to them. I don’t dislike them, we just don’t have a lot in common. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to feel that way. They invite me to every single holiday from Christmas to Easter to the 4th of July. I go visit them maybe once a year but that doesn’t seem to be enough for them. How do I explain that “I’m just not that into them” without hurting their feelings?

 

 

Prodigal Child

 

 

Dear Prodigal:

 

 

Your actions speak volumes. They understand how you feel and you understand how they feel. Unless you are interested in exploring with them the reasons for your estrangement and are open to changes — let it go.  Polite regrets are sufficient.

 

 

 

MID-LIFE CRISIS

 

 

Dear Short Answers:

 

 

Ever since I was in my 20′s, I have wanted to have sex with two women at the same time. Now that I am about to turn 50, my wife has “offered” to let me do it. She refuses to participate herself but has agreed that if I can find two women to have sex with me, then I should go at it. She has also made it clear that she can’t promise how she’ll feel after it happens and that I should be prepared to suffer the consequences. First of all, that doesn’t sound like much of a birthday present. And second, what do you think she means by “suffer the consequences?” She won’t explain any more than that.

 

 

Eric

 

 

Dear Eric:

 

 

We think she is sick of hearing you talk about it.  “Suffer the consequences” has two operative words — “suffer” and “consequences.” Which one of those words do you not understand?

 

 

 

A MATTER OF BELIEF

 

 

Dear Short Answers:

 

 

Do you think that everyone has a purpose in life? And if so, how do you know what it is?

 

 

Searching

 

 

Dear Searching:

 

 

Do we believe everyone has a pre-determined purpose in life? No – that’s the hard part. You have to find purpose for yourself. There are many roads to take. Try one. Try several. The most grievous error is to take no road at all.

 

 

 

CLEARING THE AIR

 

 

Dear Short Answers:

 

 

My sister-in-law made up and gifted a small photo album to each family member. She included photos of all nephews/nieces except for my child. I can’t imagine why this oversight occurred because she had plenty of photos to work with of everyone. This feels quite odd and a bit hurtful. I heard she didn’t give one of the nephews a gift last year in order to make some kind of point to him, so I would not put this immaturity past her. What might I say to/ask her about this, if anything? Family relations feel impacted whether or not I say anything.

 

 

Wanda

 

 

Dear Wanda:

 

 

Your sister-in-law sounds like a piece of work.  We admire your  immediate restraint — we would have slugged her — but now it is time to talk turkey. You might start with “whatever were you thinking when you chose to exclude my child from your family photo project?”  If she says it was an oversight — demand a recall of the “faulty” product.

 

 

 

TIME WILL TELL

 

 

Dear Short Answers:

 

 

How do you truly, deeply, honestly, absolutely know if you are marrying the right person?

 

 

Longing for Certainty

 

 

Dear Longing:

 

 

Today, hard to say. In 20 years, you will know for sure.

 

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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