Short Answers / TRY AGAIN

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:
I have never gotten along very well with my in-laws even though I try as hard as I possibly can. Something always seems to go wrong. So this year my husband has suggested that instead of the family (we have 2 children) spending Christmas Eve at his parents and Christmas Day at my parents, he take the kids to his parents by himself and joins me the next day. At first, this didn’t sound like a bad idea but as I think about it, it doesn’t sound good. I don’t want to get even further estranged from his parents and teach the kids that this is an acceptable way for families to solve their “problems.” What do you think we should do?
Uncomfortable

Dear Uncomfortable:
You have good instincts. Ask your husband for help with his folks.

 

WHEN SILENCE IS POISON

Dear Short Answers:
My wife and I have been together for over 3 years. We have one child and have been married for a little over a year. Our relationship has been great but recently, she decided to become Facebook friends with her ex. I haven’t said anything to her about this but it really bothers me. Do you think I might be reading too much into this? Should I say something or just let it go?
Nervous

Dear Nervous:
You may well be reading too much into this. But if it bothers you, IT BOTHERS YOU and you should definitely tell her so.

 

WAIT THIS OUT

Dear Short Answers:
My son was caught smoking at school and was suspended for a week. First of all, getting suspended is one of the stupidest punishments ever but that’s not my question. He was smoking with a friend of his who didn’t happen to get caught. Would it be helpful if I told his friend’s parents about this? Or is this none of my business and I should just let them find out when their son is the one who gets caught?
Doesn’t Seem Fair

Dear Fair:
Fair or not, your kid is the one who got caught. Hers didn’t — at least not yet. Bide your time.

 

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

Dear Short Answers:
How much time should a husband and wife have to spend together? Other than sleeping and going to work, my wife expects me to spend every minute of every day with her. I love her, but it’s driving me crazy.
Too Much

Dear Too:
You need to talk to her about this. First you need to reassure her that giving one another space is not about getting away from each other, it is about providing the opportunity to refresh and grow and that your expectation is that some separation will likely bring greater excitement and depth to your relationship.

 

THE LADY OR THE TIGER

Dear Short Answers:
Do you think that Internet dating services are better than hanging out at bars?
Working at It

Dear Working:
Depends on what you are looking for. Bars have the advantage of “what you see…. ” but dating services promise focus. Our thought is that you might want to try both!

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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