Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman 

HOW DO I GET TO CARNEGIE HALL

Dear Short Answers:
I’ve finally come to realize that my wife is really stupid. She doesn’t read books or newspapers or even listen to the news. We can’t carry on an intelligent conversation. And when we are with friends, she says the most amazingly stupid things. She says she spent the last 20 years raising our kids while I went to work. She is right about that. But I don’t want to spend the next 20 years stuck with an idiot. What do I do?
Bored and Embarrassed

Dear B & E:
Practice, Practice Practice. Buy a subscription to Time Magazine. Read it and discuss issues with her — nightly, not just when you are with others. Watch the news and talk about it. We hope she will realize that she has to play — or pay. 

IT’S GOOD TO KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING

Dear Short Answers:
Is it ever acceptable to twist the truth?
Knotted Up

Dear Knotted:
There are a million reasons NOT to tell the whole truth.  But whatever the scenario, twisted, edited, or embellished, it isn’t “the truth.” Be sure YOU know where you are on this slippery slope.

LIGHTEN UP

Dear Short Answers:
My neighbor has decided to grow marijuana on her roof — she’s in her 50s so should certainly know better. Personally, I don’t mind, but it’s illegal and I’m afraid that my kids will find out. Is it okay if I report her to the police? Should I tell her that I am going to do this?
Concerned Neighbor

Dear Concerned:
NO! Do not call the cops. Frankly, we think it’s none of your business — especially if she isn’t selling out of the house (which is another issue). Concerning your kids, IF they notice, you can explain that not everybody plays by the same rules. How YOU play by the rules is the most relevant information for your children. 

WHEN A FRIEND ISN’T A FRIEND

Dear Short Answers:
What should I do about a friend that is never there for me but I have always been there for them?  When I say anything they just say they don’t have the time.
Used and Abused

Dear U&A:
Darling, take the hint and take a hike.

THREE’S A CHARM

Dear Short Answers:
How do I tell my mother that I’m gay?  She’s a guidance counselor at a high school here in town and you’d think she would understand. But my older brother and sister are both gay and she flipped out. I’m afraid of what she’s going to do if I tell her. Should I just keep it a secret until I’m old enough to move out?
Baby in the Family

Dear Baby:
Usually parents get it right by the third kid. We hope she will handle the news better this time but certainly talk to your brother and sister about this. They are likely to give you the best intell. Good luck. 

DON’T LOOK FOR TROUBLE

Dear Short Answers:
After being married for 40 years, how do you know if you’re still in love or just so used to living together that you can’t imagine living alone?
Coupled

Dear Coupled:
If it feels good, it is good.

Life is complicated.  Short Answers isn’t. 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer.  A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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