Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

WE HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER

Dear Short Answers:
In my lifetime, Christmas has always been more commercial than spiritual, but from where I sit, we have reached a tipping point. It is so commercial that when I wish someone a Merry Christmas I don’t even know what I mean. I feel like asking everyone who says it to me what they mean — more, better presents? Or is that rude?
Sad

Dear Sad:
Yes. It is rude to put an unsuspecting well wisher on the defensive. Start with yourself. Perhaps your first step is to find some hope and joy in the holidays for yourself. Then share it.

THERE BUT FOR FORTUNE

Dear Short Answers:
I’m one of the lucky people who still has a good job. Unfortunately, a lot of my friends have been laid off — not once but several times. So when we get together, all I hear is complaining about not being able to find a job or pushing me to help them network — even though I’ve done about all I can. It’s boring and tiresome. How do I tell them to shut up and try to have a good time when we’re together. Because if they don’t, I just won’t see them anymore.
Sparkie

Dear Sparkie:
Yes, listening to other peoples’ problems can be tiresome–especially when you want to party. But we really hope your winning streak continues, because if it doesn’t, you could be in for a rough and lonely ride.

HOME COURT ADVANTAGE

Dear Short Answers:
My 78-year old mother has a take on my “mistakes” that she feels she must repeat almost every time she sees me. It shakes me up every time, nothing I say keeps her from repeating it. It’s embarrassing that it bothers me as much as it does, but there you go. I only agree with her criticism when I am really down on myself. What to do?
Sucker Punched

Dear Punched:
Many of us are more vulnerable to parental judgments than we would like to be. But respect is a prerequisite for any relationship. Remind her that this is a conversation that you no longer want to have. Practice deflecting her comments instead of engaging in a debate. Leaving the premises is also acceptable if you think you are being badgered.

FLASHING RED!

Dear Short Answers:
He’s 49, I’m 27. We are both married. The whole deal is hotter and more unlikely than you can possibly imagine. But I would never leave my husband — not for him; not for anyone. I think he still loves his wife and certainly his children. What should I do?
Overcome

Dear Over:
You’ve had your fun, now get out. Immediately. That you have not yet caused irreparable damage is your Christmas present from the universe. Do not squander your good fortune.

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS RECIPE

Dear Short Answers:
I will be visiting my married children and their very young kids this holiday. Any advice?
Granny 

Dear Granny:
Gratitude is the best drug for anything that bothers you — focus on it and otherwise comment little. Except to lavishly praise all. 

Life is complicated.  Short Answers isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer.  A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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