Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

IT’S CALLED GOSSIP

Dear Short Answers:
I know for an absolute fact that my neighbor (who is a popular dentist in town) is cheating on his wife. I don’t really know them very well, but I still feel that I should say something. They have two small children and I am afraid that the longer this goes on, the worse it will get. I know about two different women that the horny dentist is sleeping with. I have no idea how many others there might be. Is an anonymous note to his wife appropriate? Or should I tell one of the wife’s close friends who might, in turn, tell her? What’s the best route for rooting out the truth?
Concerned Neighbor

Dear CN:
We can’t think of a single reason why this is any of your business. If you chose to “pursue the truth” don’t be surprised if the messenger is shot.

BON VOYAGE

Dear Short Answers,

A friend of mine and I have been planning a trip to Asia for the last six months. We are leaving next month. Yesterday, she called, quite upset. She has had an unexpected financial hit and says she can no longer afford to go. I really want to make this trip and I really want to make it with her. Should I offer to pay for her ticket? I am doing well right now and it would not be a financial imposition.

Feeling Flush

Dear FF:

This could work if you are both very clear: Is it a gift or a loan? If it is a loan what are the repayment terms? If it’s a gift, be clear about what’s covered — just airfare or are you picking up the entire tab? If your friend turns down your offer, accept it gracefully and make other plans.

STRONG SILENT TYPE

Dear Short Answers:
Why do boys give such short answers when talking online? If they like you, shouldn’t they put effort into the conversation?
Gimme More

Dear Gimme:
Sadly, a man or boy who loves to chat is a rare thing. Their skill is putting out just enough to keep us interested. This is why we have girlfriends.

THE HUMAN CONDITION

Dear Short Answers:
I am a gay, single 54-year-old eligible bachelor who has been divorced for 9 years. I agree with a lot of eligible, single 40+ women (and Flannery O’Connor) who say that “a good man is hard to find.” Many men who are still single at my age are looking for someone younger (the gay version of a trophy wife). The others have enough baggage to fill a Dempsey Dumpster. I found and dated a great guy for four years who was monogamous but couldn’t commit, despite all of my efforts and work. Any suggestions other than online dating (been there and done that to death)?
Getting Brittle

Dear Getting,
One suggestion — stop trying so hard. There is no destination, only a next stop which you will surely arrive at without a road map. Bon Voyage.

PLAYING WITH FIRE

Dear Short Answers:
How do you explain to a girl that you just want to sleep with her? That you don’t want a relationship (because she’s crazy)?
Just a Guy

Dear Guy:
No explanations seems appropriate — you play, you take your chances. Don’t complain here if you get burned too.

Life is complicated.  Short Answers isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer.  A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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