Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

ARE YOU OR AREN’T YOU?

Dear Short Answers:
I have a good relationship with my ex wife. We’re still co-parenting two teens and she’s often at family functions. But my girlfriend, who likes my ex personally, feels there’s not much room in my life for her. We don’t have children together, don’t live together, and she feels I have history with the ex she can’t compete with. How do I make my girlfriend feel valued while still balancing involvement with the ex?
Between two

Dear Between:
It sounds like your involvement with your previous family is your priority and if that is the case, no wonder that your current girlfriend feels undervalued. If you really care for her then you need to develop a life together. Without commitment, she is merely an entertainment.

 

JUDGE NOT

Dear Short Answers:
I feel like I know what you are going to say but here goes: I have a friend who has a long history of two year enthusiasm’s – then she moves on to something else leaving many people befuddled. She seems to like the struggle of beginnings but not the day-to-day slog of developing expertise. Should I share my insight with her?
Intelligent Observer

Dear IO:
If you think we were going to say she is free to pursue her path as she sees fit, you were right. We would be curious to know how she would describe her journey but would hesitate to offer insight.

 

NOT SO THRILLING?

Dear Short Answers:
When we were both younger, sex with my husband was fantastic.  But now that we’re in our late 50s, I’m just getting less and less satisfaction from “the act” itself. Neither one of us was ever a super-model, but now, my husband is a little heavier, a LOT hairier and just not as sexually appealing to me as he used to be. (And, quite frankly, I’m no prize with my clothes off, either.) I know you’ll recommend that we see a marriage or sex counselor but can’t old married couples be happy without having to “do it” all the time?
Not That Into It

Dear Not:
We hear you. Many people lose interest in sex as the get older. HOWEVER, this may be a result of hormonal changes and not loss of physical attractiveness. In other words, this could be a medical issue, not a psychological one. Explore all the possibilities before you make a final decision about a future without sexual intimacy.

 

RAW OR DONE?

Dear Short Answers:
I want my ex back after a very ugly breakup but he’s been ignoring every attempt at contact for the past four days (since we broke up). Is the relationship really not salvageable or are his emotions still raw?
Change of Heart

Dear Change:
The words “very ugly” and “four days” have us confused. Assuming you were the ugly one, be very sure this is what you want and think deeply about why the ugliness happened before you contact him again. If he was the perpetrator, why are you hound dogging him? Move on.

 

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG INTENTION

Dear Short Answers:
How do I get my children (6 and 4-year old girls) to listen to me?
Mama

Dear Mama:
Be firm, keep smiling, say what you mean and mean what you say.

 

Life is complicated.  “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer.  A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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