Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

HEAR NO, SPEAK NO

Dear Short Answers:
After a few drinks with some friends (very late one evening), I was walking back to my car when I ran into a good friend who I hadn’t seen in a long time. I shouted “hello” but he didn’t hear me so I ran ahead to tap him on the shoulder. He turned around in surprise, stared at me and rushed away. I stood on the street bewildered until I realized that he had just exited a gay bar – even though he is straight and married. It suddenly dawned on me that he was embarrassed and certainly didn’t want anyone to know where he had been. I feel terrible because I have no intention of revealing his “secret” to anybody. Should I call him to tell him this so that he is reassured? What’s the best way to handle this?
J.

Dear J:
Don’t mention it. He won’t.

TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS

Dear Short Answers:
One of my closest friends lost her husband last year. Ever since, she has turned into the rudest, meanest, most thoughtless person I know. For the first six months, we all ignored it and tried to sympathize with her loss. But I think enough is enough. Losing a spouse is a horrible thing but does not excuse her behavior, at least in my opinion. Am I turning into a thoughtless person myself if I start to ignore and avoid her?
Very Annoyed

Dear Annoyed:
We don’t excuse rude behavior but we can explain it: the six-month marker is a difficult time for people experiencing loss. You may be over it, but she certainly isn’t. Maybe you should gently tell her that grief is distancing and that you miss her.

REAL LIFE WITH REAL WIFE

Dear Short Answers:
Do you foresee a problem getting married to a woman I love but whose family I can’t stand?
Groom-to-Be

Dear Groom:
If people married their in-laws … most wouldn’t. It is an issue, potentially a big one, that married people need to manage. Talk to your bride about her feelings and her expectations. Be as candid and kind as you can and remember, most likely, they don’t like you either!

HALF RIGHT

Dear Short Answers:
As a parent of two children (an 8-year old girl and a 10-year old boy), I am sick and tired of the EVERY KID IS SPECIAL nonsense that is so popular today. Every kid DOES NOT deserve an award just for showing up. How do I get them prepared for the real world and teach them that life isn’t fair and they need to LEARN THAT NOW!!!!
Mom

Dear Mom:
We hear you. Winning and Losing is part of life and kids need to learn that. But, we think they need to understand that win or lose, they are still okay — and special to you.

WHEN YOU’RE RIGHT, YOU’RE RIGHT

Dear Short Answers:
Am I old-fashioned? I still expect thank you notes for gifts. I prefer a short handwritten card, but even an email will do if it’s prompt. A text only works to communicate immediate excitement but to me isn’t a real thank-you. What do you think?
Irritated Auntie

Dear Auntie:
We are solid with Old-Fashioned.

Life is complicated.  “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer.  A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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