Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

WE HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER

Dear Short Answers:
In my lifetime, Christmas has always been more commercial than spiritual, but from where I sit, we have reached a tipping point. It is so commercial that when I wish someone a Merry Christmas I don’t even know what I mean.  I feel like asking everyone who says it to me what they mean — more, better presents? Or is that rude?
Sad

Dear Sad:
Yes.  It is rude to put an unsuspecting well wisher on the defensive. Start with yourself. Perhaps your first step is to find some hope and joy in the holidays for yourself. Then share it.

CALL IT LIKE YOU SEE IT

Dear Short Answers:
My brother keeps telling me that his wife is intimidated by me. My answer is “of course she is — but why is this my problem?”
Sister Woman

Dear Sister Woman:
We like your style but don’t be surprised if the air gets chill.

BRAVE NEW WORLD

Dear Short Answers:
Under what circumstances is it acceptable to elope?
Thinking About It

Dear Thinking:
It is quite acceptable if it is what you and your intended wish to do. If necessary, remind relatives and friends that it really is about the two of you.

INDEPENDENCE FOR ALL

Dear Short Answers:
About a year ago, I found out that my husband was having an affair. When I confronted him he admitted it. He was ashamed, humiliated and said it would stop. I believe that he ended the affair but I still couldn’t get over it and forgive him. We agreed to stay married and think about our future and I thought about moving out for a trial separation. About 6 months later, I lost my job. Now I don’t know what to do. I thought I had options but now I either have to stay married or live on alimony. I don’t want to be the victim. I want my own life, my independence and the ability to make my own decisions. But now I am stuck in a marriage on the rocks and no income of my own. What do I do?
Feeling Helpless

Dear Feeling Helpless:
First, stop feeling helpless.  You still have many options and some decisions to make.  Do you still want this marriage?  Many couples survive an infidelity and are stronger for it but it does take some work in understanding why it happened in the first place.  Be prepared to do the work and take some responsibility as well.  If you decide you do not want to be in this marriage then go to an attorney and see what your real options are. And no matter what you decide — get another job.  Grown-up people support themselves — married or not.

WE SEND LOVE

Dear Short Answers:
It’s about to be a new year but I don’t think I will ever get over the things that happened to me this year. Why do people keep telling me to move on?
So Sad

Dear SS:
We don’t know what happened to you this year but we believe that for the important things, no one ever “gets over” anything. We just try the best we can to process what has happened. Leave as much bitterness behind as humanly possible and keep walking. Wear your scars with pride. You earned every last one.

Life is complicated. Short Answers isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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