Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

HANDS OUT

Dear Short Answers:
In the past week alone, I have received over a dozen invitations from friends to donate money to some lame-brained idea that they’ve put on Kickstarter. One person wants to write a book about Italy (who cares), somebody else wants to make a movie (double who cares?) and another one wants funding for a photography project. For most of these people, they could afford to fund the project on their own but they choose to use other people’s money instead. Isn’t this just a new form of begging? It’s driving me crazy.
Not Feeling It

Dear Not Feeling:
No one is forcing you to contribute. Make a token donation, or skip it entirely, it’s up to you.

WELCOME BACK!

Dear Short Answers:
I am recently back in the dating world after a long and rocky marriage finally ended. What is the rule these days about who pays for dinner? Is it always the man? Is it always split? Or does the person who did the asking and picked the restaurant pick up the tab?
Rip Van Winkle

Dear Rip:
The good new is — the only rule is COMFORT! And a bit of fairness, as well.  Do what feels right — for your age, stage and wallet. It is part of the “getting to know you” process.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

Dear Short Answers:
My brother recently confided in me that he has a very serious and potentially fatal illness. Of course, I am devastated and I want to do whatever I can to help. He also doesn’t want anyone else in our family to know, especially our parents. They are both in their late 80s and my brother feels this news might be more than they can handle. I am distraught. I know why he is trying to keep this secret but I personally believe that my parents would prefer to know so that they can make the best of what might be their last days with their son. I believe that if he died without giving them this chance, that it would be more devastating than anything. Do I keep his secret or do what I believe is right?
Distraught Sibling

Dear DS:
Don’t get ahead of the story. And it is his story. Maybe it won’t be fatal and even if the disease takes that turn, there will likely be plenty of warning. Support your brother by respecting his wishes.

YOU PLAY, YOU PAY

Dear Short Answers:
I recently found a website called MyLife.com that gives detailed information about almost everybody — even their ages. I posted this on my Facebook page with a couple of links to specific people I know who are particularly sensitive about their age. I guess I should have predicted they would be furious but I figured that this is public information and they should get over it. Do you think they are justified in being so angry?
JP

Dear JP:
Social media has virtue — and vulnerability.  We agree with you. Photos, personal data including age, and even the occasional quip that turns out to be ‘not so funny’ the next day are more or less public.  We think your friends should get over it, or stay off FB, Twitter and other Internet communication vehicles. We have heard that many people live happy and successful lives without them.

UNJOYFUL COMBINATION

Dear Short Answers:
Is it okay to be a lesbian if you don’t really like the sex part but just really, really hate all men?
Just True

Dear Just:
No. Disliking “the sex part” and hating men does not add up to lesbian.

Life is complicated.  “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer.  A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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