Short Answers
By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman
OH, MY DEAR
Dear Short Answers: Do you think it’s important for women to work? My boyfriend makes enough money for both of us to live comfortably and he would prefer that I quit my job so that I can pay more attention to him. Do you think that’s a good thing to do? Janet
Dear Janet: Exactly how much time would you like to devote to him? What would you like to do for him? And what do you think that will do for you?
ANOTHER PARENT TRAP
Dear Short Answers: What’s the secret to NOT spoiling your children? I can’t seem to stop buying them stuff and giving them everything they want. Is that wrong? RS
Dear RS: Well, the first thing is STOP — nobody, except maybe infants, should get “everything they want.” We don’t know the secret, but we do know that character is a slow build and THAT is your primary job as a parent.
DRESSING THE PART
Dear Short Answers: I have a good friend who is my age (late 50s). She’s perfectly normal looking but she acts like she is a sex goddess. Low cut dresses, mini-skirts, push-up bras. Lots of perfume and make-up. How do I tell her to stop it and act her age? She embarrasses me and herself wherever she goes. A Friend
Dear Friend: How she dresses is her business and YOU are old enough not to be embarrassed by anything but your own behavior.
J’ACCUSE?
Dear Short Answers: I’m starting to really notice that my boyfriend can be quite selfish. How do I address this to him without being accusatory? Hoping to Change Things
Dear Hoping: Talk about how you feel — not about what he did. Start with “I feel that my wishes are not being heard … what should I do?” If this doesn’t elicit a thoughtful response, honey, you got yourself a loser.
WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO
Dear Short Answers: Please explain to me what’s going on with all these politicians and their sex scandals. I say that it’s just men being men and who cares. My wife says if that’s true, then men are pigs and she will become a lesbian instead! Who’s right? JT
Dear JT: It’s about power. These guys think that they are so “wonderful” that the rules don’t apply to them. But this is not men being men — this is a few men behaving badly.
WOULD LIKE TO HELP
Dear Short Answers: I have a friend who acknowledges she has a drinking problem that clearly affects her life but she will not stop. Is there anything I can do? Watching from the sidelines
Dear Watching: There is nothing you can do to make her stop, but a gentle reminder from time to time that “her problem” is not unnoticed by you may at least keep her honest.
THREE’S A CHARM
Dear Short Answers: How many times should you ask a girl out before you finally give up and admit that “no means no??” Jimmy
Dear Jimmy: She says no once, perhaps she is busy. Twice, maybe she is being coy. Third time — she really means it, darling.
Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.
Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every wee
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