Short Answers / The 30 year Itch

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

Dear Short Answers:
After 30 years of marriage my husband has decided that he wants nothing to do with my family.  He doesn’t mind if I spend time with them but he refuses to even acknowledge their existence.  He says that he just doesn’t find them interesting and doesn’t understand why he has to waste his time with people he doesn’t really like.  So if I want to spend a major holiday with my family, I have to do it alone.  I’m baffled and frankly really angry at him. Are other families this dysfunctional?
Joan

Dear Joan:
Yes. And BTW, he is obviously angry as well.

GENTLE, CLEAR, FIRM

Dear Short Answers:
My law partner is 67 and is getting increasingly cranky. We have done everything to accommodate him, but nothing works. He has no interests, hobbies or friends. The lawyers at the firm want to know: how do you deal with an aging, unproductive partner — with unreasonable financial expectations?
Will Do the Right Thing

Dear Will:
Have a party for him, create an award in his name,  and a position of honor … and then develop bylaws and procedures that you could live with if they were applied to you. This is as much about a face-saving way out as it is about money.

TALE OF TWO CITIES

Dear Short Answers:
I have a great job in New York. My boyfriend has a great job in Atlanta. We both want to get married but don’t know how. We have tried to get jobs in each other’s cities but that hasn’t worked. If the economy was better, we’d just wing it and move in together — in one city or the other. But that’s a risky thing to do these days. What do we do?
Stranded

Dear Stranded:
Commuter couples are not unusual these days – and have some real advantages – many romantic reunions and the opportunity to develop superior communication skills. Physical distance is only one of many obstacles to intimacy.  Use it to grow your relationship.

2 PLUS 1?
Dear Short Answers:
About 6 months ago, I started volunteering at the local animal shelter and go there 2 or 3 times a week to play with and walk the dogs.  They often need temporary foster homes especially if a dog needs medical care and a quieter environment to recover in.  I promised my husband that if we ever fostered a dog, we would not keep it permanently.  We already have two dogs and that is my husband’s absolute, total limit.  Well as it happened, we fostered a small terrier after a serious operation and I absolutely fell in love with him.  There is no way that I can give this dog back to the shelter even though I know I promised my husband that I would.  My husband is furious and adamant that I give the dog back or he will return the dog himself.  I am completely heart-broken and don’t know what to do.  I know you are animal lovers so I thought you might be able to convince my husband that we can keep him.
Love Sick
Dear Love Sick:
Can’t you give the dog to a good friend or relative? We are majorly dog-centric but three is one too many.

IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES

Dear Short Answers:
Why can’t bicyclists, runners, and pedestrians all get along?
Getting Bumped

Dear Bumped:
It’s like Democrats and Republicans – they have competing agendas.

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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