Short Answers / IT’S A FREE COUNTRY, ISN’T IT?

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

Dear Short Answers:
I always put gift purchase off, I think because I resent the obligatory list of people who already have everything.  I just hate the whole ritual of mandatory present exchange — and the unnecessary (in my view) hole in my bank account come January.  Do I have a choice?
Not So Merry

Dear Notso:
Of course you have a choice, in fact you have many, many options. All holidays are exercises in choice — from what you celebrate, with whom, and how. Gift-giving is just tactical.  Use it wisely.

 

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS RECIPE

Dear Short Answers:
I will be visiting my married children and their very young kids this holiday. Any advice?
Granny

Dear Granny:
Gratitude is the best drug for anything that bothers you — focus on it and otherwise comment little. Except to lavishly praise all.

 

OLD QUESTION/NEW ANSWER

Dear Short Answers:
I recently “retired” and am having a terrible time actually saying that word — because I don’t feel “retired” at all. I volunteer at the local food bank (I used to be a nutritionist at a big hospital) and I am happier than I have been in years. When people ask me what I do, I never know what to say because “retired” sounds like you are not a productive member of society — and I feel more productive than ever. And when I say I “used to be a nutritionist,” that sounds like I’m living the past. “I used to be something, but now I’m nothing.” What’s the solution?
Retired, Feels Discarded

Dear RFR:
We’ve been there. It is always an adjustment when one has identified deeply with a career. In your case, you might say you are using your old skills in a new way which you find really energizing. Most people don’t deserve or require a more detailed response.

 

CENTS AND SENSIBILITY

Dear Short Answers:
I have two children. One is reasonably well off, the other is chronically in debt. Do I treat them equally in my will?
Mom

Dear Mom:
Which one were you considering rewarding — the grasshopper or the ant?  In general, we think an equal division is sensible and equitable regardless of circumstance.  Each of your children is likely to deal with an inheritance in the same way they have managed their own money but an equal allocation is less likely to cause resentment after you are gone.

 

EASY ONE

Dear Short Answers:
Do I have to bring a gift to every damn holiday party?
Bah Humbug

Dear Bah:
You don’t HAVE to — but it’s better to bring something small (a Christmas ornament, a jar of honey) than waste time worrying about it.

 

A VERY GOOD THING

Dear Short Answers:
Why did Mahatma Gandhi want to teach children handicrafts?
Joe P

Dear Joe:
Same reason we like to teach kids crafts.  It develops manual dexterity, a sense of pride when the task is completed, the possibility of sale if they do them well, a prideful connection with their own traditions — and a wonderful sense of community when crafts are done with friends, neighbors and family. And we have learned these activities engage kids of all ages without electronics.

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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