Short Answers / Looking For Trouble

 

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

LOOKING FOR TROUBLE?

Dear Short Answers:
If your wife refuses to have sex with you any more because she wants to be celibate, is it okay to have sex with other women? (I am hoping you say “yes.”)
Fingers Crossed

Dear FC:
This is a question for your wife. If you don’t get the desired response, then return to the celibacy discussion. These things really should be mutual — or negotiated.

EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES

Dear Short Answers:
It was camp visiting weekend and so we hosted two sets of parents at our country house. We went a day early, cleaned, shopped, made dinner, chilled the wine, and spent the day running around, and getting all set for a perfect dinner, great wines and company. When they arrived (2 1/2 hours late), the husband of couple #2 lit into the wife of couple #1 and completely ruined the evening and the weekend. It’s a year later and we’ve avoided them and their requests for dinners, travel, get together thus far. But, as camp approaches, should we let bygones be bygones, or spare ourselves the drama?
Harried Hosts

Dear Harried:
Parents Weekend is one of the most stressful events known to man. Very nearly any kind of aberrant behavior can be excused. However, no reason to allow yourselves to be the doormat either. Scale back … this time invite them to stop by for a drink … and don’t be horrified if someone gets drunk.

EVEN PARANOIDS HAVE REAL ENEMIES

Dear Short Answers:
I report to the President of a small company — 25 employees. She has become personal friends with one of my young direct reports whom she often includes in casual lunch plans (without me). I feel that this relationship undermines my position but don’t know how to address it. Am I being petty?
Annoyed

Dear A:
Yes, you are being petty but it doesn’t mean you are wrong. Your boss is either insensitive or devious. Time will tell. Relax — for now.

THE FAMILY THAT STRAYS TOGETHER

Dear Short Answers:
My son has discovered iChat (two days ago). I don’t like the idea of his friends just popping up on screens in our home. Am I just old-fashioned? Or am I right to want one family oasis? Or something in the middle?
A Hold Out

Dear Out:
Yes, you need to set boundaries. No texting during dinner? No iChat during family time? It’s your home — and your rules. As long as everyone in the family plays by the same rules. If you are taking calls in the car when he’s trying to talk to you, your actions will speak louder than any restrictions. Be clear that it isn’t technology that is your issue — it’s intrusion on family.

IT’S THE FEELINGS, STUPID

Dear Short Answers:
If a dear friend you haven’t heard from in six months suddenly writes you a really, really long email, and you feel compelled to write an equally detailed one back but don’t have the time, what’s the grace period for a response?
Very Busy

Dear Very:
The value of a response is not measured in number of words. If you care about this person call or write and communicate your affection. Now.

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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