Short Answers
By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman
Dear Short Answers:
When two adult couples go out to dinner together, is their a nice way to say that we don’t want to split the check 50/50 when we clearly spent far less than the other couple? My husband and I don’t drink and we often split a single entree. It doesn’t seem fair to split the check when we probably spent half of what the other couple spent. But it’s always a bit awkward when people just throw down their credit card and say “let’s just split this.”
Pinched
Dear Pinched:
We think that you “I’ll just have an appetizer” or “share the entree” types should eat with one another and be sure to bring your calculators. The rest of us don’t mind buying our friends a drink.
THE LAW OF THE LAND
Dear Short Answers:
When two men get married are they both “husbands” or is one the “husband” and one the “wife?” I want to make sure I am being “politically” correct.
KFM
Dear KFM:
Both men are usually referred to as husbands. This isn’t about political correctness, it is about the law.
THE SHORT ANSWER IS…
Dear Short Answers:
My sister’s daughter has become ultra-orthodox and moved to Israel. I am an atheist and orthodox religious moments are difficult for me to understand or accept. My sister wants me to travel to Israel for my niece’s wedding. I feel I’ll be anywhere from aggravated to outright angry the whole time I’m there, but my sister really wants me there. Money isn’t an object. Should I go?
Sister-Act
Dear Sister:
Yes … of course you should go, and behave yourself. We understand the feelings — but sometimes you have to do, what you have to do.
MINE FIELD
Dear Short Answers:
I just met my son’s new girl friend and he wants to know what I think of her. My honest reaction is that she is not smart enough, not pretty enough and not interesting enough to be dating my son. But I don’t think that’s what he wants to hear. Without totally lying, what’s the best response to his question?
Parent Problem
Dear PP:
It is unlikely that he wants to hear your dismissive response. We advise asking him questions — why he cares about her, what they enjoy together, etc. Your questions may help him find his own view which, after all, is the only one that really matters.
RACING AGAINST TIME
Dear Short Answers:
What can you do if a boy you like, likes someone else? And he only has two months to be with me because he is moving! How can I get him in two months?
Help Me!
Dear Help:
Stop, look, listen. This sounds all wrong. Forget about him.
GROUND RULES
Dear Short Answers:
Do you think that a Christian Conservative and a Liberal Democrat can have a happy marriage?
Friend of a Friend
Dear FOF:
Depends on what they think marriage is — if they agree on that, anything is possible.
Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.
Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.
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“Most of us don’t mind buying a friend a drink…” Fooey! That’s what a drink,drank,drunk would say. A feeble excuse to enable a stupid, self-destructive habit. Non-boozers have made a conscious choice to remain conscious. Etiquette is a ploy to support offensive self-centered behavior. A straightforward strategy would be preferable.
Right on!!!
Usually agree with your answers, BUT you missed the one about splitting the Bill 50/50. The real short answer is – Tell your server when you start that there are separate checks.
Even if I know I am going to pick up the whole tab, I tell no one until the meal is done.