Good Help Is Hard To Find

 

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:
My partner and I have had a wonderful cleaning lady for the past several years.  She is thorough, reliable and reasonably-priced.  The only drawback has been that she doesn’t speak much English, but we have managed okay in that regard.  The problem is that she recently converted to a religion that is extremely anti-gay.  I don’t mind that much because I don’t really talk to her but my partner says that it makes him very uncomfortable to have a person in our home who disapproves of our sexual orientation and our lifestyle.  He says that he wouldn’t allow a guest in our home who believes that so why should we pay someone to come into our home who believes that we would be better off dead.  What do you think?
Troubled

 

 

Dear Troubled:
It sounds like there are well-established boundaries with this lady, due to the language barrier if nothing else. She is not a friend nor a guest and so it seems to us that her opinions about your sexual orientation are as irrelevant as her opinions about home decor.  Having said that, if your partner continues to be disturbed by her, then you must defer.

RISKY BUSINESS

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
At a family dinner, my 45 year old sister-in-law proudly shared with me that the new wine glasses were stolen by her during her employer’s Christmas party (6 glasses in total). Her risky behavior and dishonestly have been weighing on me especially since she handles her father’s finances. My husband and his brother have had simple, innocent questions about Dad’s finances (utility costs, food, etc.) and she breaks down and cries in response. Is it appropriate for me to have a conversation with her about the glasses and share that I always thought she was way above this type of behavior and suggest she throw them out and just consider the incident a low point and move on? Just not sure what to say.
Sister-in-Law

 

 

Dear Sis:
We share your concern but we think this conversation is best had with your husband and his brother. Once you have told them what you have observed and your doubts going forward, it is really their problem to solve.

TOUGH LOVE

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I found out last week that my niece (who is 20 years old) has had problems with heroine and has actually been arrested several times. I have 2 children (16 & 18) and I don’t want them associating with their cousin. This isn’t punitive, it’s just common sense, I think. My brother (my niece’s dad) is furious at me. But I think I’m right. I wouldn’t let my kids be friends with anyone I knew who was taking drugs. Why does it matter that it’s a relative?
Upset

 

 

Dear Upset:
Your decision is right but because it’s family, you must handle it with kid gloves. Tell your brother that you are very concerned for him and your niece and that you will do anything to help them except putting your own kids in a risky situation at an age when they are vulnerable. Share the problem with him, discuss how to help, and mean it. It is important that they feel supported — not rejected by your sensible choice.

20TH CENTURY TOOLBOX

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
How does a psychrometer work?
Want to Know

 

 

Dear Know:
Interesting question — have you heard of GOOGLE?

 

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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