Short Answers

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

 

THE ANSWER IS YES OR NO

Dear Short Answers: Is it rude for people at work to collect money for their children’s charities?  Even if it’s a good cause, I feel like I am giving money “anonymously” because I have never even met the person who is collecting the funds. $?$?

Dear $?$?: Understand. However we don’t think it’s rude.  If you REALLY want to connect with the kid and/or charity, then ask for more information. If you are just looking for a way out, you don’t need to get in a huff about saying “No thank you, I don’t choose to give at this time.”

 

EXCEPTIONALISM

Dear Short Answers: My partner and I are both over 60, gay and have no children.  When we were younger, all our friends were having kids so we didn’t see much of them and when we did, all they talked about was their children so that wasn’t very interesting.  When their kids grew up and left home, we re-connected and started to develop strong friendships again.  Unfortunately, they’re now all having grandkids!!! Which, apparently, are the most important and fascinating human beings in the world. We can plan a dinner or movie date for months in advance, but it gets broken at the last minute when the kids call and need an emergency babysitter (probably so THEY can go out to dinner).  Do I need to find new friends or is this normal behavior in America? Bob’s the Uncle

Dear Bob: You need new friends.  Or tell the old ones that you need to be a priority. We don’t like any of the “normal” behaviors that routinely assume that their choices (this includes work, dates, children, grandkids) are more valid than yours.

 

SHE TOLD YOU ONCE; SHE TOLD YOU TWICE

Dear Short Answers: I have a huge crush on my roommate but I don’t know how to approach her. When I talk to her, she doesn’t pay attention! Whenever I want to say something to her about our living place (bringing friends home, sleep-overs), I hesitate because I don’t want her to be upset or pissed off. Last time she brought her guy friend (just a friend, not a boyfriend) and he slept over, she told me that he said “I don’t like your roommate, what’s up with him?” I’m sensitive, and I was upset but I still let her friend spend the night. My questions: 1) How to deal with her friend situation? 2) How to approach her? Unhappy Roommate

Dear U.R.: Sorry, big guy, she’s just not into you. Do we need to spell it out? She doesn’t listen to you, she brings home other guys and then tells you that THEY don’t like you! Wake up and smell the coffee.

 

ARE YOU KIDDING?

Dear Short Answers: I am at the age when a lot of my friends are starting to retire. And since I am still working, they seem to feel that I should pay for everything when we go out. I buy drinks. I buy dinner. I buy theater tickets — and they don’t offer to pay me back. Frankly, I feel taken advantage of. I’ve mentioned my concern to them but they just laugh it off. Should I just stop seeing them and get new (younger) friends? Tired of This

Dear This: Bad Behavior is Bad Behavior. One more chance … but this time you don’t pick up the tab. You say, “I believe this one is yours.”

 

IN A WORD

Dear Short Answers: Do you think that having children is the answer to the meaning of life? ???

Dear ???: No.

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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