Use It Or Lose It

 

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:


A very good friend of mine is in her 50s and has had a string of health problems — from diabetes to arthritis.  Years ago, she used to try to be active but little by little she has gotten lazier and lazier. Some days, the furthest she walks is from the bed to her bathroom. I feel bad for her but how do I make her understand that giving up is not the answer and that the more active she is, the better she will feel?  I am afraid that she will just waste away if I don’t do something to help her.
Want to Help

 

 

Dear Want To:


A good conversation may be in order.  But judgments like “lazier and lazier” or “giving up” are bound to undermine your good intentions.

THE CALCULUS OF MARRIAGE

 

 

Dear Short Answers:


How do you stop your spouse from exhibiting truly disgusting personal habits. My husband clips his toenails and lets the clippings fly all over the bathroom. They end up in the sink or on the floor. It’s disgusting. Sometimes I step on them and it’s so gross. He tells me to get over it and that I shouldn’t be so sensitive. Short of adding a bathroom just for him, which we can’t afford, what can I do?
Repulsed

 

 

Dear Repulsed:


Make it a straight negotiation:  “If you stop doing that, then I will … (fill in the blank).”

SELF-INDULGENCE

 

 

Dear Short Answers:


When I go out to dinner with friends and we are splitting the check, I am very sensitive about the price of the wine that I select. But sometimes, there just isn’t a wine for under $20 that I would drink. So I pick something in the $40-50 range. Is it wrong to make the other couple pay for half the wine if I know that they don’t really appreciate it and wouldn’t spend that much normally?
Wine Enthusiast

 

 

Dear Enthusiast:
We think the wine’s on you.

THE MODER-LODE

 

 

Dear Short Answers:


Hi. I’m 24, female, and my brother Zach is 27. We both have our own apartments. But Zach still treats my mother like his personal servant. She cleans his apartment, does his laundry. Even cooks. She goes over almost every day and he leaves notes for her. Like shopping lists and “please change the sheets on the bed.” He will even ask for odd stuff (like “please buy a large box of condoms”) just to see if she does it (she does). Should I tell my mother that he is making a fool of her? And how do I get my brother to grow up and do his own laundry?
Concerned Sister

 

 

Dear Sis:


This is between Zach and your mom. As unattractive as this looks to you (and to us), it is their deal, and you should stay out of it. Hopefully they will outgrow this soon –otherwise the movie gets a bit scary.

GREETINGS!

 

 

Dear Short Answers:


When ending a phone call, many people say to me “Love you, goodbye.” I don’t feel comfortable saying “I love you, too” to many of these folks and think the phrase has lost its true meaning. What is a good reply when this occurs?
V.L.

 

 

Dear V.L.:


How about “back-at-cha?”

 

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

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