Just Do It

 

By Jeff Johnson And Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:
My wife and I are both in our 40s and have had a great marriage for the past 12 years. I recently decided that I wanted to get a tattoo. I can’t explain why, I just do. The problem is that my wife hates tattoos and refuses to allow me to get one. I’m torn between doing what I want (I’m a grown man for goodness sake) and respecting my wife’s wishes. Where does one draw the line in a relationship? Is she being overly controlling? Or am I being inconsiderate and selfish?
Wannabe Me

 

 

Dear Wanna:
Sometimes it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

 

 

AMBIGUITY BREEDS CONTEMPT

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I am working with a non-profit group in my town that is driving me batty. I believe in the work that the group does, but I can’t stand the politics, the meetings, the bickering and indecisiveness. Is this common in non-profit organizations or is this one especially dysfunctional?
Getting Crazy

 

 

Dear Crazy:
The thing about For-Profit companies is that their goals are relatively unambiguous. The thing about Not-For-Profits, in our experience, is that there is ambiguity under every rock. Dysfunctional? Organizations are like families. To paraphrase Tolstoy, “Functional organizations are functional in the same ways — dysfunctional ones are all quite unique.”

 

 

WHAT GROWN-UPS DO

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I am gay and have recently started dating a very nice man. I only found out through other people, not him, that he had been married to a woman. I’m not surprised, because he isn’t as interested (or as good at) sex as all my previous boyfriends.  I’m thinking that maybe he isn’t really gay but just trying this out because he had such an unhappy marriage.  Is there any way I can find out if he’s “just experimenting.” I don’t want to waste my time if he is.
Not Interested in Test Driving

 

 

Dear Test Drive:
This seems like the right time for a good old-fashioned conversation. Tell him exactly how you feel. He will either convince you, or he won’t. Either way, there should be no hurt feelings nor bitterness.

 

 

LIKE IT OR LEAVE

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
I meet a woman in my neighborhood for breakfast occasionally.  I’ve seen others roll their eyes when this woman’s name is mentioned and I never understood why. Now I get it– she is a name dropper like I’ve never seen before. It’s so annoying and gauche, talking about events to which others were not invited.  I don’t even know how to respond except to say, “Sounds fun.” I wonder if this is deliberate or completely thoughtless.  When I bump in to her around town now, I want to reverse course and run. Why do people do this?  What is a polite way to respond?
Not Interested

 

 

Dear Not:
People do this to make themselves appear important.  Respond politely — all other options are decidedly NOT.

 

 

PREMATURE “E”

 

 

Dear Short Answers:
Is it okay to be engaged after only 3 months?
Got the Ring

 

 

Dear Got the Ring:
Engaged is okay — but keep an open mind while you get to know each other. Honest intent is lovely, but slow down a bit. Three months is still in the “anything can happen” zone.

 

 

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t.

 

 

Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KonkLife.

 

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