Wining the Keys / The Most Important Column of All Time
By Steve Calderwood
Welcome to 2014 and the upcoming Key West Food & Wine Festival. Wine tastings are a great way to increase the depth and breadth of our wine knowledge, but there are some things that just should not be done and at the beginning of each new season, I’ve just got to say all of this all over again. So, now that I’m firmly planted on my soapbox, let the preaching begin!
DON’T #1 – Don’t wear perfume or cologne and I mean none! Seventy to eighty percent of taste is your olfactory senses (that’s your nose) and nothing will kill everyone’s buzz faster than having Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds overwhelm your senses. I’m not going to drink the stuff, so I don’t want to smell it. At one particular tasting, I had a friend of mine come up to say “Hi” and she gave me a big hug. Sweet, right? Well, she also happened to be thoroughly doused in one of the most powerful perfumes I’d ever smelt. I had to go outside for half an hour to let the stuff wear off and any time she came close to a table where I was tasting, I had to run to the other end of the room. Ok, I do recommend using deodorant, but leave the cologne for after the tasting – please! It really makes it impossible to taste the wines. So, have I made my point yet? I’d rather smell your BO than your perfume. Seriously.
DO #1 – Taste all the wines. The whole point of a wine tasting is to expand your horizons and every time I hear someone say, “Oh, I don’t like white wines”, I just want to reach over and slap them. You’re never going to like white wines if you don’t taste them and you might just be pleasantly surprised. These events are all about exposing yourself (keep reading and keep your clothes on) to new tastes. If you’ve ever read one of my columns, you know how I feel about pinot grigio, but from time to time I find a really nice one and I find myself happy. If you don’t like the wine that you’re given, you can dump it or even spit it out, both are acceptable, just use the dump bucket on the table. No spitting on the floor or at the table attendant, please.
DON’T #2 – Do not pour the wine yourself unless you have express permission. People have been known to lose a hand when grabbing a bottle off a table (especially when Vicki was the pourer). Even if they’ve been spending what seems like hours with someone else, you can break into the conversation and say, “May I have a taste of the pinot?” Or, just go to another table and come back later.
DO #2 – Taste the wines in order. Now if you’re not sure what the proper order is, just ask, “Where should I start?” The attendant will be happy to make a suggestion. In general, you want to taste light bodied before full; and dry before sweet. There’s a reason for this which is that a full bodied wine will overshadow a light bodied wine on your palette and you won’t be able to get the full enjoyment of the lighter wine. Same with dry and sweet. Now you’ll notice that I didn’t say whites before reds, which is what I always thought until I got enlightened a couple of years ago. If you want to try a fun experience taste the reds first and then go back to the whites. While the reds are normally going to be more full bodied than the whites and you’d think they’d overpower them, the high acidity in the whites actually cuts through the fullness of the reds. Fun with wine!
DON’T #3 – When the attendant gives you a one to two ounce pour; do not stare at them like they’re the cheapest bastard on the face of the earth. Most tastings will involve at least fifteen to twenty different wines and if you try them all, you’re getting the equivalent of a full bottle. If you want more than one bottle for yourself, go to the bar and buy a glass. On the other hand, if there is a wine that you really liked, it’s quite acceptable to go back and ask for a second taste, just remember DON’T #2 and keep your hands off the bottle.
DON’T #4 – No smoking. Now, I can hear some of you saying, what about you and those damn cigars. Yes, I’ve been guilty of this one and if you catch me doing it anywhere around a tasting, slap me. And, especially, if you’re smoking flavored cigars or clove cigarettes, what the hell are you doing at a wine tasting anyway?!?! All right; that’s the end of the sermon for this week – Amen.
That’s it for this week; so until next time, wine a bit; you’ll feel better.!
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Steve’s my alter ego and wine mentor. He’s wine and I’m beer. Everything Steve tells you in this column applies to beer tastings as well. For all the wine enthusiasts who refuse to cross the line because “you don’t like beer,” you deserve a slap too! Like Steve says, you need to taste first before you judge and you will broaden your horizons. Tastings are meant to be educational and fun. Leave your perceptions and prejudice behind and learn. You can always spit or dump so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. For a fun evening that will introduce you wine drinkers to beer without abandoning your preference, come to the Beer vs Wine Pairing Dinner at Kelly’s Caribbean’s Muse venue next month. You will judge which beverage pairs better with your artfully prepared entrée while your beer and wine sommeliers vie for your vote. Call for reservations, though! The dinner sells out quickly! Thanks, Steve, for your excellent advice and instruction!