SHORT ANSWERS

By Jeff Johnson and Paula Forman

 

Dear Short Answers:

My father has recently started to make very politically incorrect comments in public. I think he believes that he’s being funny rather than offensive but not everybody sees it this way. He’s been a liberal his whole life so I don’t think he’s being racist or sexist — just insensitive. I’ve asked him nicely to stop it but he laughs it off. Should I continue to let him get away with this or take a harder line (which might or might not work)?

Uncomfortable

Dear U:

Although we have great empathy for you, it has been our experience that censoring parents meets with unsatisfactory outcomes. Perhaps if you tell him he is hurting his “image” in his community you may be more effective … but maybe not. If not, you need to remind yourself (once again) that He is not You.

VERY DOUBTFUL, CHANCE OF SPITBALLS

Dear Short Answers:

My ex has a new girl friend and I have some promising possibilities. Do you think we can now be friends?

Would Like It to Be So

Dear Would Like:

Wishing won’t make it so. We have seen very few situations in which lovers can truly part as friends. It makes head-sense but not heart-sense. When it’s over, it’s over. The residual feelings are just that — residual sludge. Not the stuff of friendship.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

Dear Short Answers:

My brother recently confided in me that he has a very serious and potentially fatal illness. Of course, I am devastated and I want to do whatever I can to help. He also doesn’t want anyone else in our family to know, especially our parents. They are both in their late 80s and my brother feels this news might be more than they can handle. I am distraught. I know why he is trying to keep this secret but I personally believe that my parents would prefer to know so that they can make the best of what might be their last days with their son. I believe that if he died without giving them this chance, that it would be more devastating than anything. Do I keep his secret or do what I believe is right?

Distraught Sibling

Dear DS:

Don’t get ahead of the story. And it is his story. Maybe it won’t be fatal and even if the disease takes that turn, there will likely be plenty of warning. Support your brother by respecting his wishes.

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Dear Short Answers:

Now that flu season has started, I see people everywhere who are coughing and hacking and blowing their noses. Is it wrong to tell people straight up (even strangers) that they should STAY AT HOME when they are sick with a contagious illness?

Not Phobic, Just Sensible

Dear Not:

Difficult for you to say face-to-face – but easy for us. STAY HOME WHEN YOU ARE SICK!

LESS SAID

Dear Short Answers:

If you think your son is gay (he’s only 12 but I can tell), what’s the best course of action? Do I wait until he says something to me? Or do I encourage him to confront this issue?

Mom

Dear Mom:

Relax. If your home is open and accepting, he will “confront” the issue of his sexuality when he is ready.

WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD

Dear Short Answers:

How do you tell someone that they are dating the wrong person?

A Friend

Dear Friend:

Very, Very cautiously.

Life is complicated. “Short Answers” isn’t. Send a question about whatever is bothering you to [email protected] or go to www.shortanswers.net and a psychologist and sociologist will answer. A selection of the best questions will be printed every week in KONK Life.

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