By Kimberley Denney and Scott McCarthy

Dear Bitch :& Gad:

My neighbors have the most obnoxiously loud dogs that are left out all day. Instead of poison, what would you suggest? Signed, Off the Waggin’

She said…


Dear Off the Waggin’:

Poison is never the answer. At least when it comes to animals. Humans are another story entirely and we will save that for another day. As I sit here typing while engaged in a stereo war with my neighbor (his Adele CD vs. my Donna Summer Pandora radio if you must know), I’m thinking you should follow my lead and take the high road. Fight fire with fire. The barking is the fault of the asshole owners and they should probably be poisoned but that might be painless. They deserve to feel your pain Tenfold. There is a great audio clip on YouTube called 12 Hours of Barking Dogs Sound Effects. Yes, it is literally 12 hours of different dogs barking. So I suggest conspiring with your other affected neighbors, buying a bulk supply of earplugs, obtaining a serious set of speakers, and directing them at to your nuisance neighbors until they get the point. And maybe buy some doggie treats for those poor pooches.


Bitchin’ Paradise

Gay said…

Dear Waggin:

You must live in my neighborhood! Between the incessant barking dogs and sirens, I feel like I live in the Bronx…and mine is a quiet area. If I can’t sleep after washing an Ambien down with a tumbler of vodka, there is just something wrong. Talk about awaking the dead.


I hate people and love dogs. I wish that we could put the owners to sleep. I just got a letter anonymously last week that asked for everyone’s dogs to shut up or they are going to Code Compliance. The barking has not subsided so I hope that they have gone to Code. Im so glad someone else is taking up the cause because I’m usually the bitch. One of the offending dog neighbors are the same ones that had dozens of chickens and roosters ruining our quietude. (See my column ‘Between a Cock and a Hard Place’).


Just as an aside here, I threw dog shit at my neighbor’s house because their dog left it in front of my house.


Go straight to Code. Fuck the pleasantries. These neighbors have no regard for your quality of life.


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