Happy Political New Years!

By Richard Boettger

Yes, I indeed am going to cheer you up with great news about how happy you all will be with political developments in 2022 and the future—Dems, Repubs, independents, even non-voters.  How on earth can this be, when partisan hate speech fills the airwaves, and our Congress is totally broken with no fix in sight?

Here’s the answer: Civil Peace!  Which is a lot like our Civil War in olden days, except without the war part.  That is, the U.S.A. will split into two halves, with what used to be the the North now what we call the Blue States, and what used to be the South is now the Red States. Think of it less like a war, and more like an amicable divorce.

Right now, a number of Reds like Marjorie Taylor Green are all in favor, but Blues are appalled by the thought.  This is in keeping with the Blue political leaders having been wrong about everything since 2008, keeping the filibuster, giving away Merritt Garland’s and Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s seats, nominating Hilary, etc etc, and they would be wrong on this until one giant political ass-kicking adjusts their attitudes and those of everyone else in the Democratic party.

The joyous boil-lancing that will happen first on November 2022 and even juicier on November 2024 is that the Reds will succeed in stealing the elections.  We have had over a year of studying how close Trump came to stealing the last one, and the unpunished Trump supporters have made sure that little legislator in Pennsylvania and VP Mike Pence can’t screw things up again.

Everyone, get this straight: it is already baked in the cake that the Reds have changed enough election laws and run more than enough earnest election officials out of office that the actual national voting is a mere formality going forward, because no matter how the people vote, the Republican candidates will carry the country.  This year, they will handily win back the House and Senate.  In 2024, anyone they run, Trump or a Trump acolyte, will take over he presidency.

Here is exactly what will happen, and I want you to take notes as though I were become Nostradamus, but more accurate on seeing the future.  First, this year, we will have more of the same with majorities of voters going for the Dems, but through concentrated gerrymandering since 2010, nearly twice as many Republican candidates winning state assembly and congressional seats—in Wisconsin, a 50-50 split for the Governor’s race yielded a 62-35 advantage in assembly seats.

This is the past, what Dems have been living with for years now.  It will continue, but even moreso, in the future.  And this is without any of the inventive, perfectly legal wizardry savvy Red politicians are now gleefully enacting, in hundreds of new laws across the country.  Note that the Dems have enjoyed the Presidency, the House, and the Senate for over a year, and they have NO HOPE of changing any of these new election laws.  They will NOT fix the filibuster.  Slap across the face, Dems.  Get over it.

So after the Repubs take the house and Senate in 2022, the next two years will be pretty much like the Trump years again, legislation-wise.  That is, there will be none.  The Dems will continue to feel bad, and say bravely that it is all “Unacceptable!” and ‘Intolerable!” and that they will “Focus like a laser beam on …”–they have no plans to focus on, except futile demonstrations and impassioned Op-eds.

Then, in 2024, they see Trump or his clone lose the popular vote by some millions again, and what looks like the electoral college by a smidgen like in 2020, but then the state magic enacted by those savvy Repubs kicks in its afterburners, and Voila!–the election is certified by newly adjusted state electoral college electors for Trump.

Now, even if you don’t believe this will happen, because you are an always-optimistic Blue at heart, imagine that this is indeed the future.  I hope that no matter how squishy you may be, Red or Blue, you can see that it is time to split up, call the children in and have The Talk—Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be living together anymore.  The Reds already hate the Blues enough that they will be glad to be rid of us, even as their hapless whipping boys.  My major prediction in these pages is that it will kick even passive Blues into seeing that there is no future in the union for them.

And here is the Happy Political News Years’ news: Imagine how ecstatic both sides will be when they set out on their own!  Please add your own ideas to these short lists of happy thoughts.  

For Reds:  illegal abortions and even abortion pills; something like a flat tax; zero corporate tax rate; a balanced budget; increased military spending; no affirmative action or even Title 19; increased police budgets and higher bail; no more socialized medicine; responsibly reduced Social Security; a return to coal and increased oil drilling; elimination of OSHA and the National Labor Relations Board (no unions); and, best of all, COVID vaccinations and masks optional for all.

For Blues: Free health care for all; Roe v. Wade still rules; no changes to Social Security—NONE; 1619 Project and Critical Race Theory mandatory in all schools; police only respond to crimes, not crazy people, who are handled  by shrinks with a different emergency number, like 922; close private prisons, reduce sentencing all around; no troops overseas, rely on our aircraft carriers and nuclear submarines for national security; ban coal, reduce oil, subsidize clean energy; fix our damned roads and bridges; free day care, subsidized childbirth.

I am going to stop before barely getting started, as I am getting the vapors.  Please add happy thoughts of your own.  Of course, this won’t be easy to do politically, but if the bedraggled Soviet Union could manage it without a peep, I am sure we can.  And it will be what I call  the right kind of problem.  For example, you kid has cancer, wrong kind; bougainvillea leafs in the pool and noisy nightingales, right kind.  Right now both Reds and Blues have the wrong kind—they hate each other, and both think they are forced to do things they don’t want to do. Organizing the details of the split will be the right kind.

This now sounds wild, the ravings of Mary Taylor Green, but you are going to see more and more discussion of it as Blues slowly come to realize they have lost the Red/Blue Civil Disagreement, and it is time to peacefully surrender to a glorious fate.  Peace, my brothers and sisters.

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