How To Drive And Party
By Rick Boettger
The only relation between these two topics is that you might want to drive to a party. But if it’s my party, you probably shouldn’t drive home.
We need to teach Key Westers how to drive. Most of our congestion is not caused by Conch Tour Trains or stupid stoplights, but rather by people not knowing simple rules. The worst, which I’ve seen so many times in the last week that it triggered this column, is not pulling forward at a green light to make a left turn.
For example, some guy was going out of town on Truman wanted to turn left at White. When the light turned green, he just sat where he was, behind the crosswalk, for the entire light cycle. That is, because there was a steady stream of cars heading into town, he never made the turn. That meant the entire string of cars backed up behind him two blocks to Bare Assets also sat and waited as well.
Folks, the rule is: drive into the intersection when the light turns green. At the worst, you’ll have to wait until the light turns red to make your turn. Not only does this guarantee you get to make your turn, it usually makes room for the cars behind you to pass you on the right.
The second is not even a rule, just common sense. When a light turns green, and the car ahead of you drives forward, follow him right away. I often see people waiting until the car is as far as 10 car lengths, 100 feet—I stopped and paced it out—before putting their foot on the gas.
As a driver, don’t ask your government for more stoplights. Studies show that accidents and injuries drop by almost half when a stoplight is replaced by a four-way stop sign. It’s common sense: people actually have to pay attention, and almost all actually do stop or at least slow down, making any intersection intrinsically safer. A stoplight gives half the people the illusion they can barrel ahead without looking. When someone fails to stop at the red, disaster happens.
Also, traffic flows much faster. Traffic lights keep intersections empty too much of the time. At a four way stop, someone is always moving. When I had an office overlooking Garrison Bight, I saw how non-existent the lines were at the busiest intersection in town, Palm and North Roosevelt, when the electricity went out and everyone had to stop-and-go.
Now for How To Party. Okay, not like a wild young ‘un, but for my kind, as at Cynthia’s big 7-0 last week. It went so well I now declare myself qualified to pontificate on party-giving.
First, don’t over-plan. My ex-wife and Cynthia had such high standards for perfection they hated the job so much they threw NO parties. I decided a week ahead of time for Cynthia’s B-day, and flew with it.
Don’t expect RSVPs. Key Westers just don’t, with a very few distinguished exceptions. I can extort them, by demanding guests “choose fish or steak” in order to get either. That works, but then I have to ruin my own fun by actually grilling both, which I did once for 55 people and vowed never to do so again.
To have the appropriate amount of food, use the “potluck” trick. When I first moved here, I thought it was a little cheesy, asking guests to basically bring the food for the party. But I realized the Key Wester’s disinclination to reply graciously to an RSVP is nicely counterbalanced by a generous willingness to bring excellent food to any party they care to spontaneously attend.
I refined the potluck technique by making it optional. This was important because the socially conscious who don’t want to cook or buy food to bring will simply not show up. And I want them to show up. The good news, amply demonstrated at Cynthia’s 70th, is that enough people will voluntarily bring food that everyone, including the non-bringers will have enough to eat. I augmented the potluck food with three pizzas and gourmet cheese to match the wine. And about all the drink people care about is wine, so if you’re going to splurge on anything, go high-end on the vino. And a handsome sommelier doesn’t hurt.
Potluckers bring everything from complex home-cooked vegetarian dishes to chips and salsa. Of all the gourmet treats at the 7-0, I think better than most catered affairs, at the end I was in the mood for the chips and salsa, and finished it off. Someone will bring Dion’s chicken, which always gets devoured. I actually prefer potlucks to catered, for the surprising variety–and, at the parties I attend, the quality.
I did something right on the entertainment which is probably impossible to replicate. But I would ask people to try to be creative, involve the party-goers, and take some chances. Be free, maybe a tiny bit crazy, and know the people you invite are eager to have a good time with you. A party is not pressure, it’s freedom to share your joy. And your friends are eager to do so with you.
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Rick,
You read my mind…The traffic and congestion from zombies behind the wheel is particularly maddening this year. I agree 110% on the move-your-ass-up-if-you’re-taking-a-left-thank-you-very-much, bozo, but the zombies on rented bicycles have elevated clueless to a whole new level….Wrong way, wrong way on sidewalks, four abreast in the lane riding very slooooowly and completely, selfishly and stupidly unaware someone with a two ton truck is behind them….It is a good thing I can’t get arrested for murderous thoughts.
Pot luck is the best, but your optional angle is a good one to get the non-contributing folks to join the party, as well. Cynthia’s party was fantastic. It doesn’t hurt to have great live music and to hear you sing a love song to your wife! Party on 🙂
Hi Rick, it sounds like the party was great! Wish I’d been there, and also wish I’d been there, not just because I love Cynthia, but because I’d have loved to hear you sing that love song to her! You’re the best!
On the driving note, I was surprised at this and would have gotten the answer wrong had I not taken notes during the 8 hour driver’s course to get my $35 discount on my insurance – I highly recommend it, in fact, I need to take it again as my discount has run out. This course was presented online by the National Safety Council and you can stop in the middle of it, save it and go back to it whenever you want or you would literally be sitting at the computer the whole eight hours. Contrary to what you said above and what I’ve always done, because I was taught to do it, they urge that we NOT pull ahead into the intersection when the light turns green, if we’re turning left – unless it is the left turn signal light that has turned green. Their reasoning is that being in the intersection leaves you vulnerable and with absolutely no place to go if there is a collision that knocks cars into the intersection, which there would be if one of them ran the light and hit the oncoming one. So, unless I see that the oncoming car is way far away, so that I can go ahead, pull into the intersection and make my left turn before that car is close to the intersection, I stay behind the line. Of course, I stay alert enough not to wait through an entire left turn opening and miss my chance of turning. I turn as soon as the light turns green if no cars are close or as soon as the left turn signal turns green unless some fool runs his red light, which happened to me just a week ago when my left turn light changed to green, and I practically stood on the brake or I’d have been in a bad collision as he was flying through the red light into the intersection! Fortunately most of the lights at the big intersections here in West Palm are delayed to the extent that all lanes are stopped at the same time before a turn light changes to green, which has been a blessing and reduced intersection collisions considerably. UNLESS you have that fool who is speeding through the red light regardless of what else is happening!