Suicide And Other Mistakes

 

By Mark Howell

 

The list of American celebrities blessed by surviving their suicide attempts includes “American Idol” winner Fantasia Barrino; actresses Halle Berry and Drew Barrymore and the Tony-Award winner Aura McDonald; Paris Jackson (Michael’s daughter); Ozzie’s son Jack Osbourne; actor Owen Wilson; Artie Lange of “Mad TV” and Howard Stern’s radio show; Danny Bonaduce of the Partridge Family; white rapper Vanilla Ice, stand-up comedian Drew Carey; singer Tina Turner (back in 1976) and prolific home-run hitter Ken Griffey, Jr.

 

 

But as Robin Williams once so ironically joked, “Living’s not for everyone.”

 

 

The median price for a home in San Francisco now stands at one million dollars.

 

 

Back in the 14th century, there was just one protection from the plague known as the black death that ended up killing half the population of Europe. It was apple cider vinegar taken both internally and as a tincture applied externally.

 

 

Even today, apple cider vinegar applied to a bleeding nose is the surest way to stem the bleeding.

 

 

And it even shrinks varicose veins when applied in a wrap.

 

 

Something else you should know:

 

 

Edward Snowden began working at the National Security Agency in his twenties without any educational credentials, having neither a college degree nor having graduated high school. It was his computer abilities that got him the job and gained him ever-increasing security clearances. Nor was he an employee of the United States government; he was a contract worker.

 

 

The fact is, as we learn from Glenn Greenwald’s “No Place to Hide: Edward Snowden, the NSA and the U.S. Surveillance State,” the NSA employs twice as many civilian contractors — 60,000 — as it does agency employees — and many of them hold Top Secret security clearances. And we also learn that more than 4.9 million people have some form of government security clearance.

 

 

Know this, too:

 

 

The NSA is now listening to, reading and collecting every phone call and internet communication generated in the Bahamas.

 

 

With a nod to “murphyslawpizza,” here is our Top-13 real-life list of absolutely wrong predictions:

 

 

1) “If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” — W.C. Heuper, National Cancer Institute, 1954.

 

 

2) “The world potential for copying machines is 5,000 at most.” —I BM, ultimately the founders of Xerox, 1959.

 

 

3) “I think there is world market for maybe five computers.” — Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

 

 

4) “There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in the home.” — Ken Olson, founder, president and chairman of Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977.

 

 

5) “Television won’t last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box all night every night.” — Darryl Zanuck, movie producer, 1946.

 

 

6) “When the Paris Exhibition of 1878 closes, electric light will close with it and no more will be heard of it.” — Oxford University Prof. Erasmus Wilson.

 

 

7) “Everyone acquainted with the subject will recognize it as a conspicuous failure.” — President of the Stevens Institute of Technology on Edison’s light bulb.”

 

 

8) “X-Rays will prove to be a hoax,” — Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal Society, 1883.

 

 

9) “This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.” — Western Union internal report, 1876.

 

 

10) “The horse is here to stay but the automobile is only a novelty.” — President of Michigan Savings Bank, advising Henry Ford’s attorney not to invest in the Ford Motor Co., 1903.

 

 

11) “Rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia. — Dr. Dionysius Lardner, 1830.

 

 

12) “I must confess that my imagination refuses to see any sort of submarine doing anything but suffocate its crew and floundering at sea.” — British novelist H.G. Wells.

 

 

13) It’ll be gone by June.” — Variety Magazine on Rock n’ Roll, 1955.

 

 

Quote for the Week:

 

“Ronald Reagan doesn’t have that presidential look”

 

 

— United Artists executive, rejecting Reagan as lead in “The Best Man,” 1964.

[livemarket market_name="KONK Life LiveMarket" limit=3 category=“” show_signup=0 show_more=0]