By Rick Boettger

Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly ran a hilariously nasty 5-minute segment about Key West on December 9th. Bill sent Jesse “Watters World” down to report on us, mainly that we’re drunken outlaws. Sixteen different scenes show homeless drunks at Higgs and Sloppy Joe’s. Even sober interviewees say, for example, “All there is to do here is hookers and blow,” and “We don’t give a damn about America.” Four people didn’t know who Joe Biden is.

 

But it is an amusing and captivating piece, interspersing 12 snippets from movies like Batman, Animal House, and the Sopranos, and 8 Chamber of Commerce-style pretty views of our city. You can watch it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ASKdexgh_s.

 

On the one hand, Watters gets a homeless guy at Higgs Beach to proudly say he trades his food stamps for “vodka, beer, and cigarettes,” and another eye-rollingly drunken shirtless homeless man to say all he does is get drunk and chase women.

 

On the other hand, there are some nice scenes at the Bight, along with the CoC snips. O’Reilly cleverly avoids any defamation lawsuits by saying a few nice things about us: he’s been coming here “undercover” since 1971, Hemingway and Truman “liked to hang out there,” “No place is more colorful than Key West,” and that it is a “beautiful town, very pretty.”

 

But overwhelming the kisses are the punches in the gut. The show declares us to be a “notorious outlaw town,” with most of us “running from the law,” only wearing a suit to “go to court.” We’ve come here because “In Key West, they’ll let you do whatever you want. [Watters] didn’t see one police officer while [he] was there.” Families with kids should absolutely avoid us, “not even a day trip.”

 

The worst image is Watters’ analogy: “They say if you shake the U.S., the sediment goes to Florida. If you shake Florida, the rest of the mess goes to Key West.”

 

The O’Reilly Factor had almost three million viewers on Dec. 9th. Here we are all sensitive about our hordes of cruise ship passengers on Duval, and elder-nudity at Fantasy Fest, while the Watters piece makes those images seem laudatory by compare.

 

How many of our Tourist Development Council ads have that kind of viewership? Maybe we can use the insult to get some positive coverage out of O’Reilly—he loves controversy, and does not shy away from it. He may in fact admire our coming after him, and expects us to.

 

We could demand a “fair and balanced” counterpoint to Watters’ slam. It could show our beautiful Old Town homes, Zach Taylor beach, a meeting of the Literary Seminar, a performance at Tennessee Williams Theater, Richard Matson painting a house scene, poetry night at Blue Heaven, a mass at St. Mary’s (Bill is Catholic), one of our schooners on a sunset sail, the Studios at the Old Armory, the restaurant at Sunset Key, the garden at West Martello, the BOQ on Trumbo (Bill is big on the military), Bayview Park, and our Holiday Parade. Plus your own favorite. Easily done in 5 minutes by local video talent.

 

Fortunately, our city commissioners are right on top of this. Billy Wardlow has asked city manager Bob Vitas to draft a letter for the Commissioners and Mayor to sign. Teri Johnston said Bob “very eloquently addressed” the Fox segment on Bill Becker’s radio show.

 

She said she saw Watters at Blue Heaven, but “I guess the ambiance of Blue Heaven or the revitalization of Petronia Street by really good, quality people is not noteworthy.”

 

Tony Yaniz wants “(perhaps a bit tongue in cheek) a resolution barring O’Reilly, Watters, and the rest of the Fox Nazis from entering our city limits.” As I suggest above, he thinks we would get equal media time. He adds, “I will support any efforts from City Hall and/or our media.”

 

Alright! Go get ’em, Bob Vitas and our Commissioners!

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